LINKED- a Philkas one shot

LINKED

Lukas sometimes does, though. He rubs and picks at the healing bullet wound. It's not really to hurt himself, though. Just to remind himself that if he wasn't such a coward, he wouldn't have gotten shot and put Philip in danger. At the same time, though, causing himself pain reminded him that he was there. He was alive, safe, with the love of his life.

He had several scabs on his fingers from where he picked them raw. Whenever he was stressed and alone, not with Phillip. Philip kept him grounded, and without him... Lukas felt like he was falling down a dark hole he would never be able to get out of. Picking his fingers helped.

Lukas's phone rings and he stares at the Philip's picture for several long moments before answering it. "Hey."

"Can I come over?" Philip asks. He voice sounds shaky and almost... scared. Like he's been crying.

"Yeah, of course. I think my dad is here, though."

"That's fine. I'll be over in a few minutes."

Lukas pulls the phone away from his face and watches as Philip's picture goes away.

Lukas stares at his phone until his bedroom door opens and Philip appears. Philip says nothing, just crawls under the covers with Lukas and buried his head in Lukas's shirt. "What happened?"

"I was looking through my moms stuff and I- I remembered that she's g-gone," Philip stammers. "And-and then I almost l-lo-lost you. But then I remembered that you're alive and I just... I wanted to see you because I was thinking that maybe you weren't and hearing your voice wasn't enough."

Lukas frowns and kisses Philip's head. "I'm alive," he whispers and Philip nods, sniffling. He wraps his arms around Philip and holds him.  Philip stops crying after a while and closes his eyes. 

"You were in a coma," Philip mumbles. "I couldn't do anything to help you."

"I'm here now," Lukas says. "I'm here now."

***

Lukas wakes up and sees Philip laying beside him, still asleep. He is squeezing Lukas's arm and snoring quietly. Lukas smiles and stares at Philip. Philip's eyes flutter open and he smiles at Lukas. "Morning," Lukas whispers and kisses Philip on the forehead. 

"Morning. How did you sleep?"

"No nightmares," Lukas says and Philip grins. "I dreamed of you and me."

"What about us?"

"I'm not sure," Lukas mumbles. About how you're only with me because you'll feel bad if you leave me because I have PTSD.

"But it wasn't bad?" Philip asks and Lukas nods. 

"Wasn't bad."

"Good. Hey," Philip whispers, biting his lip. 

"What?"

"I love you." He kisses him softly and smiles at him. 

"I love you, too," Lukas whispers and bites his lip. 

"Are you okay, Lukas?" Philip asks and Lukas nods, staring at the ceiling. "Lukas... I can tell when you're lying. What's wrong?"

"You don't- I mean, you don't need- don't feel like you're obligated to stay with me, all right?" Lukas mumbles and Philip bites his lip. 

"Why would I feel obligated to stay with you?"

"Because..." Lukas trails off and sighs. Philip sits up and stares at him, a sad frown on his face. Sadness really doesn't look good on him, Lukas thinks. "Because if you hang out with someone and the next day they're really sick, you blame yourself."

"What- Lukas, what the hell are you talking about?" Philip chuckles.

"I don't know. I mean, it's my fault for the whole... Cabin Shooter thing. I should have- if I just told Helen then-"

"Luka, it wasn't your fault," Philip whispers and Lukas shakes his head, sniffling.

"No, it was. It was my fault, Philip, and I-I have PTSD now and you don't want to leave me because you'll feel guilty because I'll think you'll only be leaving me because I'm dependent on you and I will think that because it'll be true and I just don't want you to feel obligated to stay with me," Lukas rambles and Philip chuckles. 

"I don't feel obligated. I want to be with you. I love you, Lukas," Philip tells him, holding Lukas's face and staring at him. "I don't want to be without you. I don't care if you're dependent on me- fuck, I don't care if you become a vegetable and I have to help you eat and go to the bathroom and breathe. I'm not gonna leave you." Lukas looks down and sniffles. Philip kisses his head and exhales shakily. 

"You won't leave me?" Lukas asks and Philip laughs, shaking his head, tears falling from his eyes and rolling down his cheeks. 

"Never."