Unfortunate Events

Event Five: Austere Academy, Part One

"That was you that said that?" Neville asked, mind clearly blown.

"I was making fun of Hermione," Ron said, viciously pulling up a patch of grass. "They took it out of context."

"And in what context do you want to have Malfoy's blond, Slytherin babies?" Neville asked.

Ron threw the patch of grass at him in answer.

Having gotten her laughter under control, Hermione said, "No need to get defensive. I'm the one who had to suffer for your bout of verbal incontinence."

"Thank Merlin for that," Ron said under his breath. Luckily for him, Hermione was in a wonderful mood.

Smile on her face, she advised, "Maybe next time you'll think twice before voicing your desire to have Malfoy's babies."

"Speaking of suffering," Harry said, turning to her, "You don't seem all that upset. Considering your hatred for Skeeter and Malfoy, I'm surprised your brain hasn't exploded yet."

"Believe me, I already had my meltdown." Hermione groaned, just thinking about it. "And in front of Malfoy too."

"You ran into him again?" Harry asked, sitting up.

The atmosphere suddenly changed, putting Hermione on the alert. "He visited me in my office the day after the Quidditch match," she admitted, somewhat hesitantly.

Now Ron was sitting up. "I'm not sure I like the idea of him hanging around you," he said.

"It was one time, and that was over a month ago. You two were practically planning my wedding to him."

"We were joking! Now that he's actually interested in you, I don't want you anywhere near him," Ron ordered.

"That really isn't your decision, now is it," she said, once again feeling annoyed. So much for her wonderful mood.

"So you do want him near you?!" Ron asked, incredulous.

Hermione covered her face with her hands, taking a few seconds to calm down. When she was certain she could keep from yelling, she managed to grit out, "I am not, I repeat NOT, interested in Draco Malfoy. But you have no right to tell me who I can and cannot spend time with."

Harry finally stepped in. "I think what Ron's trying to say," he stopped to glare at their red-headed friend, "and rather poorly I might add, is that it's a bit odd that you keep running into Malfoy."

Ron snorted. "Odd's not the word I'd use. Diabolical, more like."

Harry continued. "And I'm sorry, Hermione, but I agree with him. I have no trouble believing that he is using you...to you know, improve his family's reputation."

"Then he'd better try harder, because in all my dealings with him, he has been nothing but a loathsome toad," Hermione said.

"That's not what it looked like at the Quidditch match."

"Harry, you know wizard pictures can be spelled to show false images," she said.

"I'm not talking about the pictures in the Daily Prophet. We were there, remember? Malfoy wasn't acting like much of a loathsome toad then."

"Of course he was."

"Do loathsome toads—"

"Could we please stop referring to toads as loathsome?" Neville interrupted.

"Uh, sorry, mate," Harry said, before turning back to Hermione. "You spilled your drink on Malfoy, and rather than getting upset, he got you another one. And when it ran out, he got you another one again. He helped find someone to donate to your department. When you were about to explode at that lady with all the jewelry, he grabbed your arm and calmed you down."