Effect ➵ Cethany

Chapter 54- Naïve, Trips, and diff. Love

Going back through memories and seeing how happy I was. I looked at the picture of me and my best friend when I was only 12. I remember having so many friends and having the time of my life. Until everything became about school and careers and goals.

After what felt like an hours of just laying around on my phone and on my laptop. I finally fell asleep. I was happy I got over crying so much. Before I never cried. Not until my fathers death. I was never that emotional person. I really don't know what happened.

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Waking up I was in my pjs and went downstairs. I saw my mother sitting down drinking her coffee and getting ready to leave. Coffee reminded me of Connor. That was something we both had in common. We both were addicted to coffee. My mother saw me and cringed at my appearance.

" I'm leaving tonight so I won't be able to cook dinner. But I will stay here for the rest of the day" she informed me. I looked at her appearance and she looked like she was ready to go out.

"And please but on some appropriate clothes. It's noon already and you slept in" she said. I rolled my eyes and at my cereal in front of me. I was not going to get dressed up when I wasn't going out.

I finished my breakfast and went up inside my room to stay isolated from everyone. Today all I planned was to just lay in bed and do nothing. Maybe tomorrow call up some old friends and go to the beach. Just to get my head cleared up.

The image of Connor and the girl at that party came back to my head and I cringed. The way he was wasted and laughed like nothing was wrong. He always drank his problems away and I did nothing.

I took a shower and changed into some lounging clothes. I felt so uncomfortable just doing nothing. Everything so calm and I didn't know why I didn't feel normal. I rummaged through my old desk and saw the picture of my dad in his uniform. I pulled it out and stared out it.

"Dad" I whispered. I fell back on my bed and clutched the picture to me. I laid there emotionless with him. Time pasted by and I was slowly falling asleep. I hadn't even realized I was crying until I choked up for air. I didn't want to cry. I hated crying. Mental breakdowns like this happened so much when I he had died.

I just cried. No energy or feeling. I just cried and I didn't want to. I wish I had someone here by my side. Connor would hold me in his arms and tell me everything would be okay. But today it wasn't. I was alone and was waiting for him to come but he wasn't going to anytime soon.

I had finally stopped and cleaned up. I heard talking down stairs and thought my mom had visitors. It want until the talking turned into yelling that I walked over to my door and opened it up. I looked down and saw Connor and my mother. My heart dropped down to my stomach at the sight of him.

"Connor? Mom?" I said looking between the two. My blood boiled at just looking at him. Why would he come here. I wish I was at a party and he saw me with some other boy so he could feel my pain.

"Mom can you give me and Connor some privacy." I asked her. I didn't not want her here to see me and him fighting. She looked hesitant but she walked out of the door and left us.

"What are you'd doing here" I said trying to remain calm. He didn't respond and just looked at me as I walked down the stairs. I tried to remain calm but I couldn't take it.

"Leave!" I yelled ""I want nothing to do with you! Go back to that girl who was giving you a lap dance! Why don't you go and play your little games with her? Maybe she won't ruin your life the way I did" I screamed. I was scared I would start crying again. I had cried so much already I was tired. But I was just infuriated.

"I hate you Connor Franta!" I said.

I pounded in his chest and he pulled me in and I cried into his chest. I don't know why I didn't pull back but I just let him hug me. Having his arms wrapped around me made me feel safe.

"I hate how you do this to me." I carried on my voice cracking. " you make me so mad but I still go back to you because I love you" I tell him.

"I know how you feel" he said into my ear. I pushed away and wiped my face.

"No you don't ! Stop it! You don't understand how hard it is to let you go. I see you go drink away your problems and you go with some other girl. Yet I always forgive you" I said to him. He looked at me shocked. Like any of this was new to him.

"Beth look I'm sorry I don't know what got into me! I promise I won't do it again" he begged. But I'm not falling for it.

"No. Get out please" I said to him and opened the door for him. He looked at me and gave up and walked out. I looked away and slammed the door.

"I'm not giving up yet Bethany!"

Thanks for all the feedback! THE NEXT WILL BE MUCH MORE INTERESTING I PROMISE