mama grazer

hi. jaeden sucks.

Hey there again. My name is Jack Dylan Grazer and I'm locked outside of me and my friend's hotel room, presumably 200 feet over the city of los angeles at 2AM with only a towel on a 15 freshly cut slices of bologna.

*slightly more intense record scratch* *freeze frame*

You may be wondering how I got in this situation. It was just a normal saturday 2AM, and I was having a nice conversation with Jaeden while he was making late dinner.

"HA! What the fuck is that. That THING you're making. That looks FUCKING DISGUSTING, I would rather eat a pile of dog shit. Is that pork? I only eat freshly sliced bologna, you caddilyshmackindickitycackitin' dweeb."

"Shut the holy hell up grazer." Jaeden said, continuing cooking his food.

"Anyways I'm gonna go take a 2AM shower. Adios butter-feet-jaeden."

"That's not my name! You trip on wyatt's chair one time." jaeden said under his breath, angrily cutting the meat.

So then I was walking the hotel bathroom, being all hot and stuff. And what I did after looked like a good idea, but wait till I tell ya.

I walked in the bathroom while Finn was in there drying his hair or fucking something, and I was like hey, ya know what would be funny? If I sprinkled baby powder in his hair dryer.

"HEYYY finn baby, how are ya?" I said slyly.

"Hi fred." he said.

I walked behind him slowly, picking up the hair dryer and digging in the cupboards.

"What're you doing?" Finn asked.

"I'm uh- I'm fixing the um, engine."

"That doesn't have an engine you stupid bitch," he laughed.

He was being a sarcastic little shit so I decided I'd put more in than I should have, and then I shooed him out of the bathroom.

I got in the shower and made sure the water was as hot as me. It was so hot that I burnt my skin until it was permanently as pink as a baby's asshole.

"NARCOTICS ON ME, I BE MAD HIGH, DRESSED IN BATHING APE I BE MAD FLY I'MA SIT IN FRONT THE JUDGE AND TELL A DAMN-"

"JACK DYLAN GRAZER, TURN THE 21 SAVAGE OFF I'M TRYING TO STUDY." I heard Wyatt yell from the other room.

But wyatt was not studying.

Wyatt was waiting for Jeremy to come home with the bologna so he could put it on the mini 4 by 4 deck over the city. And lock little old me out, but I didn't know that.

I came out of the shower fly as fuck, ready to slice a hoe for some bologna.

"Hey jack, there's some bologna outside." Jaeden smiled.

"YESSSS FUCKDUCK. YOU PALE TORTILLA YOU." I screamed, flipping my perfect a$$ hair.

I walked outside in my towel, and then I heard the door shut and lock.

"aw heatedhellwater. GUYS. THE PEOPLE ON THE SIDEWALK BELOW CAN SEE UP MY TOWEL." I screamed.

"Have fun!" Finn smiled, kissing the patio window.

"Aw fuckin burnt GARBANZO bean c i t y." I whispered angrily.

I watched them turn off the light in the hotel room to sleep as I sat down with my 15 slices of bologna, eating them with my mouth open.

"Worth it hoe."