I Tried.

Hey!

POV

I'm so done with everything. I used to be strong and positive. Where is that side of me?! Why am I such an over thinker now!

I think I don't understand myself anymore. I need encouragements. I need people who knows the before me, who knows how strong I was when everything was the same, who knows how to handle herself when everything was a mess. Do I have some people like that? Do I even have one?

I don't know if I'm making myself worse or is it the new things, new life and new environment that makes me worse?

Can someone ever understands me? Like how I am feeling right now? Like how can I still not endure everything that changed? Like how can't I move on from the way I used to live?

I want to be better. No, I want to be okay. Again. Not the fake okay, not the fake one. I want to be me again!! I want to let out myself again but there's no one. No one tries to reach and ask out how do I feel every single day. Of course, others have their own lives and problems to handle too. But why can't just any individual gives an attention to me? Even if it sucks, he/she will still ask me every day how am I doing just like how I did to others before.

Why can't someone out there do something exactly to me just like how I help them out too? Am I not that worthy? Am I not that special enough to be concerned about?

Do I always have that placard saying "Hey, I'm always happy and fine. Don't you bother to worry about me."?!

Guess what? I'm a human too. I may be strong most of the time for others but I get hurt and sad too. I feel weak and alone too! As much as I give support, love, encouragement to others that I always forget to leave some for myself.

Am I so selfless? Do I worry too much for other people? For people that I care and love? I want to be selfish sometimes but how? As much as I try, I always failed. I always remember that person has feelings too and he needs to be understand. Why am I like this?

I just want to be remembered, approached and appreciated. I'm not a greedy person as far as I know, but I as a person needs more love and attention too. I know my parents give their best to don't lack with that, but I guess I need more than just parents love.

I have friends. I certainly have some but they have their own lives too. As much as I so cared about them, I hope they do feel the same for me too. I love to give love. But I want to be loved and feel loved too.

I want to know my problem. Can someone even help me to find what is it? I want to open up. But I don't know if to whom. Whom can I trust with seriously?