I woke up...
Everything was white, as usual. Nothing around me, no body around me. Just me, in all that whiteness that surrounds my existence. Peace should have been felt during that moment, but there is nothing more than anxiety and sadness; a deep feeling of uneasiness, always there. I know something is wrong. I know I should not feel like this. However, no body is there, no body cares.
As the time passes, people start to appear, walking, smiling, talking to each other; playing, dancing and things people usually do. It is a shame they cannot see me. If they did, they could notice something wrong about me, they could help me fix it, they could help me fix myself.
I cannot fix myself, I am not allowed to do so. There are special people who can help you, just if they could see you. I cannot be seen by anyone, or anything. Except one.
If the day goes well, I will be able to continue stable for the rest of it and get ready to sleep for another day. If it goes wrong, zhe appears. Laughs, loud talking, and cold invade the atmosphere. Zhe knows I am weak, zhe knows I cannot be seen, zhe knows I am broken. Zhe could fix me, help me, but zherself is not allowing zher. Cruel mind and heart, just like me.
I made me this, it is all my fault. I am paying for the consequences. I am broken because I decided to be this way, I cannot be seen because I chose to be this way, I cannot help myself because I said so, and zhe would not help me because I thought so.
We all damn ourselves. We all decide how we feel.
I keep wondering, if I chose to be like this, why am I not happy with my decision? Why can't I go back?
I guess that is the price.
I must have deserved this price.
After all, I did all this horrible things to myself, didn't I?
I guess I am ready to never wake up again.
Zhe will be so happy to hear this.
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