Conversations. My bane of existence.
I don't know how to start one. I mean, I am the person who will go up to a group and try to join it, and leave the group after some time. I feel like I'm an unwelcome addition. Even if I somehow initiate it, I'm kicked out of it after some time. I'm not welcome anywhere.
If I get into a one on one conversation, things begin to happen. I talk about nothing. I keep talking, in order to not have awkward silences. And in the end, the person I'm talking to leaves, without giving a shit as to what I wanted.
It doesn't feel like nobody wants to talk to me. I feel like people want to talk to the other version of me. The version who's cool, and not nerdy, and likes to have fun. But I'm the boring person. I like reading, I like writing, and I don't like gossip.
And that fact makes me feel insignificant.
Everyone who's anyone on this planet has friends, connections, and topics to talk about. I try to be like everyone. Having gossip on hand, and not talking about science, liking commercial films, and not liking nerds. But guess what? I'd rather read the Iraq Papers than converse about how Raj broke up with Subhasree. I'd rather talk about black holes and the foreign policy of the USSR than go on and on about how The Notebook is cute.
And that makes me feel like I'm not normal.
And I want to be.
YOU ARE READING
Sign Of The Times
ChickLitNever have I ever been accepted. Never have I ever been loved. Never have I ever been cared about. Never have I ever not been rejected. Oh, the good old times I have.
