lovesick

My "sweet" 16 wasn't sweet at all. In fact, it was bitter. I had spent my time with you adoring you but you thought otherwise. In the aftermath of things, you never did come after me. We didn't waste time with hopeful antics, never said goodbye. I miss you, Mei. You're gone and it feels like you set my heart on fire and you're watching it burn from a distance and I can't even bare to touch you.

But now,
I'm 23, standing in the kitchen of my house making breakfast and brewing coffee and listening to music that somehow gets to my heart. Just standing there and thinking about going to the school that is my work and picking up the dry cleaning. And also more exciting things like books that I'm reading and trips I'm taking.Or fading from my memory, which is far less exciting. There used to be the comfort of a number in my phone and ears that listened everyday and arms that were never for anyone else. But just to calm me down when I started feeling trapped in a five-minute period where nostalgia is too much. When you realise that you'll never be this young again but this is the first time you've ever been this old. When you can't remember how you got from 16 to here and all the same feel like 16 is just as much as a stranger to you now. The song is over. The coffee is done. I breathe in and out. I'm going to be fine in about 5 minutes.

ring ring!

My phone was buzzing and ringing from the small coffee table perched so sweetly just next to the window. The name "Haru" was imprinted on the screen - a friend from work.

"Hey, Haru."

"Hi, hi, so Kaiyo, have you organised the seating plan for the new kid today?"

"Sure have!"

"I have heard his name is Asano Sasumi"

Wasn't Sasumi Mei's surname?

"Heh, thanks, see you at work."

"Bye."