It's been a year since I started writing on this website thing. Most of you guys are pretty chill about it but I have to say, there are a few dicks out there. Look, I really don't care what people think anymore, but I did at the worst possible time.
I have the classic story of "writing my way out of depression." Well, at least I sort of do. Truth be told, writing only kept me alive until my friend spilled the beans to my parents that I hit below rock bottom. Once my parents found out... let's just say now I'm on 5 different pills. Guys, real depression sucks. To be honest, there really isn't a way to escape it completely. Even with medicine, you still have your highs and lows, they're just closer to the midline now.
I'm not here to lecture you on depression. Everyone knows the gist of it anyway. But let me just say, if you have one sucky day and you feel sad- that is not depression. Go fuck yourself. No, true depression is when you're just down all the time and you feel self-conscious about being down and then you get even lower because you feel bad about feeling bad and it's just a continuous spiral downward... Anyway... I was reading over some of my old stuff (not very much of it though because I was a fairly inexperienced writer and that shit is painful to read) and I realized just how far I've come in only a year. In just a year, I've gotten into the college of my dreams, I'm about to graduate high school, I got my first A in physics, I had the privilege of performing on the biggest stage in my town, I was cast in two professional productions and I got to work with my idols, and I'm finally at peace with who I am as a person.
I don't have that many friends now, but at least I know I can count on the ones who stuck around during my rollercoaster ride. Don't get me wrong, I'm still on that rollercoaster and I will be until the day I die, but now I'm at a pretty constant level of anger and sarcasm.
I get pissed off pretty easily. I can't tell if it's just because of senioritis, or that's my true temper talking. What bugs me the most out of anything else is people pointing out that I hate everything and I'm always pissed. The funny part is that they're completely wrong. The people that say those things are the ones who make me hate everything, but only when they're around. When I can be with the people I truly love (which I have yet to find) I can be happy and actually appreciate life. The closest I've come to that true joy is when I'm by myself, driving in my car at night. Even though my side of town is super sketch, it's the best part of town for late night driving. Just the feeling of the cool night air rippling through my torn up t-shirt and my tied up hair is enough to calm me down- it fixes nearly any situation I've been in. God bless late night drives.
