Lunatic (l.s)

Chapter 8- L

"I-I get angry sometimes and I do things that I don't mean,"

"Oh I know, I know all about that," Louis replies back flatly 

"No, you don't know about it because you don't understand," 

"I don't understand but I know that you get so mad, so mad that you're capable of murdering the love of your life and those people," 

"Louis please, don't do this. I don't want to snap. I've been good,"

"You've only been good because the amount of medication this asylum gives you is enough to make you a vegetable, without the medication, you would have killed us all," 

"That's not true,"

"Harry. I've seen you when they inject you with all those needles, and when they have to literally hold your arms back when they force all those pills down. The medication that they give you, it's fucking horrible but it's the only thing they can do. They don't want to kill you, but they don't want you alive enough to kill everyone. Do you understand?" Louis shouts 

Harry freezes as the words tumble out of Louis' mouth and Louis almost hits himself, but he keeps his eyes on Harry, trying to decipher what Harry is going to do. Harry's eyes slowly move to the floor, and his face looks like stone, almost like he's trying to figure something out. His hands are balled into fists on his side and his chest rises and falls. Louis' eyes flicker over to the door and he considers his chances of being able to escape without Harry grabbing him, but Harry would catch up with him too fast.

"Are you okay?"

"You're right." Harry whispers

"What?" 

"You're right about the medication. I don't even know what they give me, it's almost like a sedative, but it's not enough to knock me out. It makes me feel like i'm floating..I don't feel anything. They don't want me dead but they don't want me alive either," Harry looks up, eyes locking with Louis'.

Louis' chest tightens because he's never seen Harry's eyes this shade of green before, usually they're almost as dark as the night sky but right now they're emerald green. They're glazed over in tears but he blinks through them, he looks absolutely destroyed. Louis feels sorry for him, and he has no idea why because Harry deserves every piece of hell launched at him.

"I don't know what to say,"

Harry takes a step forward, and Louis actually doesn't breathe because he's against a wall and Harry is right there, eyes bright and skin slightly flushed, like he had just run a marathon. Harry doesn't say anything, he just pulls Louis' hand up into his face and slightly pushes up the sleeve, to reveal his wrists. There's a deafening silence and all Louis can hear is his own muffled thoughts and the sound of his heart thumping in his ears, and he doesn't know what to feel because Harry's fingertips are tracing the scar from Zayn. 

"I know what it feels like, to feel so useless, that you turn to razors to inflict pain, to feel okay again,"