Why is this so hard? This is so sick like, why is this so hard? Just say it. I'm not doing great. In fact, I can't remember the last time I felt THIS BAD. I think I'm having, I think I'm going through. Why is this so hard? I think I'm going through another depressive episode. Why am I getting so emotional like nothing is happened? Literally overnight I went from being completely fine too felling really, really, really low out of nowhere and I... It's not... I'm not sad. I know it's not just being sad, because... Because nothing in my life, has happened for me to be sad. Like, my life is good, nothing bad has happened, there's nothing that's changed, in the last days. That's caused me to feel this way and I recognize these feelings. These feelings are the feelings I had when back when I was really, really depressed and it scares me. And I always there was always that fear in the back of my head, that it would come back but I guess I just wasn't prepared for it. I don't feel good about myself. I feel really unconfident... Let's say. I don't wanna show myself to the world. It's almost like a switch has gone off in my head and... It's just... I think SO low about myself and I don't know where it comes from and I know it's just in my head and I know that I sound really crazy right now but... This is how I feel like, I'm always on the brink of crying, and I'm always really emotional. I DON'T KNOW WHY. Literally a few days ago I was fine and witch, make me sound so crazy. And the sad thing is... I know exactly what I'm feeling, because I've been through this before. If I need to fix this. I need to fix it to myself. For me. And I don't know how to do that. I hear words in my comments sometimes like "Oh! You're so inspirational.", "You're a good friend." And I think that's why I make this text, because as much as that is incredibly flattering and thank you for feeling that way. I can't help in my brain, read that... and feel pressure. I hear that and I think "Ok, I need to be like up here so that I can justify people that way about me." And sometimes I don't feel up here. Sometimes I feel really down here and I feel like I can't live up to that... Standard, and I don't know what forcing me to be a certain way and that it's me there's putting that pressure on myself but... I'm not okay, I'm not doing great and it sucks! I hate that I cry all the time. This is the reality of having mental health issues. This is how you feel sometimes. I don't even know what to say. Other than... This is how I feel right now and I don't feel very good. I just feel like I wanna hide. I just wanna hide. I want to stay in bed all day and I wanna hide away from the world. It's like... This feeling. If I'm to describe this feeling it's... It's like... This... Sinking feeling inside and it's just way me down and it's just like this sad sinking feeling that eats away at you all day no matter what you do to distract yourself, the feeling always comes back and it's just eats away of you and makes you feel so... Small. A week ago I was this happy, confident, like I was so passionate. I was happy, I was loving life and now it's just flipped like that and it's just controls your life like that and I realize when I'm saying that I sound crazy because if you don't have mental health issues you're not gonna get it and it does sound crazy I know... and I was not expecting like if you said a week ago I'd feel like this I would say like I'd say no. I don't know... This is just like I'm just a mess. What am I? I'm so all over the place. Anyway, this is real life. This is me being honest .
