Change Me

Devastation

Justin's POV
It was around 6 am and I had just got home, I walked through the door quietly trying to not make any creeping noises. I had been at the club all night then ended up going to my friend Ryan's house for the rest of the night, the last thing I wanted was to come back home to my drunken father.

It's really become a normal thing that I hated, he's been an alcoholic since I was 5. It was so bad that he would often abuse my mom, he'd break plates on her head causing her to bleed and kick her stomach if she just gave him a bad look. Of course I was young and couldn't do much about it but it was horrible to watch and I can only imagine to go through.

On my 9th birthday my mom decided to take me out to dave & busters with my best friend Jasmine. We don't usually go out much because dad always used his money on liquor and mom only had a minimum wage job, barely enough to feed the three of us. That day at dave & busters my mom gave me a pocket knife with my initial and my moms initial which was K.
j & k

After giving this to me I felt a tear drop fall onto my hand, which I noticed came from her eyes.
"Use this to protect yourself , and to remember me always."she said wiping away the rest of her tears from her eyes. Little did I know that was my last birthday with my mother. The next morning I found her in her room on the floor, blood bath and gun in her mouth.

To this day I blame my father everyday for my mothers death. For all the pain he put her through, for being so terrible to drive someone as loving as her to kill herself.  I have no ounce of respect or love for my father whatsoever, I can't even remember the last time I called him dad.

I tried walking through the living room as quite as I could cause I figured he was asleep and the last thing I wanted to do was deal with him. All he does is yell, beat me and sometimes worse. Things you wouldn't even imagine a father doing to their son.

"Where the fuck have you been young man!" I see him stumbling down the stairs with a large bottle in his hand, what a surprise.  I roll my eyes and open the fridge looking for a drink that isn't liquor, in this house it's nearly impossible.
"Yeah like you give a fuck." I say still searching. I then hear his slow steps getting slightly closer to me.

"What'd you just say to me?" He says in a stern tone getting closer and closer. At this point I was nervous of what he was gonna do, was it gonna be another one of his usual beats, or....
"L i k e  y o u  g i v e  a  f u c k. I really need to break it down for your dumbass."
Suddenly he grabs both my hands aggressively and puts them in front of me and before I could try to let go of his grip I was handcuffed to the fridge handles.

"Man what the fuck are you doing!" I scream while yanking on the handcuffs trying to get loose. As I was too concentrated on getting out the handcuffs I heard a faint laugh and then duck tape was around my mouth. At this point I was helpless.
"You think you can give your father an attitude like that, You think I don't give a fuck? Oh i'll show you." And that's when my pants were down and the pain began.

At that moment I blacked out, This wasn't reality, this wasn't happening, this can't be happening, flashes of my mom being abused started coming into my head, how he'd rape her from time to time. I'd just never thought that would become me, his own son. I did not want to believe this was happening.

Tears were rolling down my face uncontrollably as I was in a real shock. He had finally stopped and zipped his pants back up. He un cuffed me and walked back up the stairs to his room. I stood there truly speechless. What kind of a monster was he? Why? All I felt was disgust and anger. At that moment I knew what I wanted to do next, what I needed to do next. Not only for myself but also for my mother.

I needed to kill him.