Going Nowhere - Xavier's Story

Chapter Two - Dirty Scoundrel

Loneliness and the yearning for a companion weakened my resolve, and I let someone in, a girl whose name was Lucy, but she was only ever a friend. I had wanted to give her more, but I couldn't. She reminded me of Scarlett, and I guess that's part of the reason I liked her hanging around.

I had killed her, my stupidity had killed her. The cops said the guy in the other car was drunk, but I knew I could have stopped it if I'd only paid more attention. The guilt was too much, The pain I'd caused Scarlett and the pain I had caused Lucy was always surrounding me and I needed to just not feel anything for a while. Then Vax the playboy was born and my reputation spread like wildfire.

I'd fooled myself into thinking I had it all, when really I had nothing.

It was around 3am before I finally drifted off to sleep. Filled with dread and self hate I 'dreamed' about high school and the asshole I had been. It was like the ghost of christmas past had taken pity on me, and had decided to show me the error of my ways even though I was well aware already. I didn't need reminding. I knew, I knew exactly what I had done all those years ago.

I had tried to fix it numerous times back then, always falling far short and somehow always making it worse. I wasn't sure why I expected this time to be any different. Scarlett was never going to forgive me and truth be told I didn't deserve it.

**

When I woke up the next morning I dressed and slipped out of the hotel without the guys noticing. I didn't need their input, as much as they all assumed I did. I had been messed up for a while, but things were different now. I was different.

I caught a cab to the preschool where Scarlett worked. It was deep in the suburbs. Hidden in the side streets away from the hustle and bustle of the city. I smiled as I walked toward the door. It was typical of Scarlett to be in a place like this. After the fake sex tape her ex had made, She made it her mission to all but disappear from sight in school, I guessed it was a case of old habits die hard. Once I opened the doors and walked inside I saw her right away even though she had her back to me. She was sitting at a small table, with another teacher and some children who were drawing. The other teacher looked at me and began to fan her face, while Scarlett's back stiffened. I kept walking, closing the distance between us.

"You guys keep up the good work. I'm just going to chat with a..... Friend." Scarlett said softly as she rose to her feet, her voice hung on the word friend, like it was almost physically impossible for her to say.

"Go for your lunch break, you skipped your morning break." The other teacher said with a smile. Scarlett just shook her head in response. She turned around, and we stood only inches apart, her body stood rigid and she looked like a deer in headlights as she took a step backward, almost falling onto the table behind her. She frowned and straightened herself up before her eyes narrowed and she stalked over to a door leading outside. I waved to the kids and smiled before following her out the door. The cool morning air hit my face like the reception I was getting from Scarlett, she wasn't pleased to see me, but I wasn't arrogant enough to think she would be. I shoved my hands into my pockets and followed her across the grass and up a small bank. Defeated she sat down and placed her arms on her knees. I sat beside her, a few feet away, giving her space. We were silent for a while, and I knew I was going to have to say something first. I was the idiot after all. The one who had always messed everything up, including her.

"I'm sorry." I said after what seemed like forever. Once the words left my mouth, I knew they weren't enough. My words were weak if they weren't backed up with proof.

"What for? Last night or High school?" Scarlett replied coolly. I had been a tool, both last night and in high school and truth be told I was sorry for it all, but she had no reason to believe me, not after what I'd put her through. I breathed out and ran my fingers through my hair.