COVER ME

CHAPTER ONE

"Fifty dollars ma'am."
I infix my eyes inside my time worn blue handbag, I must have fifty dollars, I make my hand to grip thirty dollars which I kept there in the morning and I place them on the cash counter.
There I see some coins but they can not add up to produce twenty dollars, I put them on the counter, they are 5 cents. I bury my hand deep inside the bag but I can't feel anything else than the bills I paid today. There is no other option now,

"Can I have the basket?"
"I want to remove some stuffs. " not exactly want to.

"Yeah sure ma'am.", the person across the counter says while handing over me the basket containing grocery. I select the items which are necessary and eliminate the other, do I really need sandwich spread? No! I can make toast and eat with milk.

I carry the basket towards the checkout person which feels heavier than before as I am not sure about the stuffs I kept in, would be in equilibrium with the money I possess. Every beep sound of his machine makes me more nervous, nervous with the fact, what if it still cost more than 30 dollars? Then I will have to remove some more things, removing things is not what bothering me but it is that I will have to do the process of elimination again and I don't think that would make the people standing behind me, waiting for their turn, any happier.

"It is now 27 dollars ma'am." he smiles to help me in getting out of uncomfortable zone. I place my hand on the money and drag a bit towards him, he gives me the change, I can feel the sensation of relief slowly spreading throughout my body. I walk towards the exit.

"Ma'am", I turn behind, "Your money."

he says while pointing on some coins, yeah of course! my 5 cents of broken hope. I collect them and leave the mall.
"Hey mom it's Ice, please open the door."
I shout as she usually ignores the doorbell alone. She is not answering, she is either sleeping or wandering in the past which made her to live separately, she said,'I don't want to be a burden on you'it is that past, which contains all those memories which can not be faded by time, I hope she is asleep.

"Mom, are you there"

finally, I can hear her footsteps getting closer.
She opens the door and shows me her cheering face she makes every time she meets me but as always, I can see through those lifted cheeks that they get to move only when they meet me . She widens her eyes but I can see the efforts they need to do in the presence of sun's rays penetrating them and not producing any good effect, even if it is about to collapse with the horizon.

" Hey! My Love, how are you?"

She tries to show some expressions while saying and not just creating the words sound emotionless and all of her these efforts breaks my inner-self and creates a deep scar inside me.

" I am good, how are you mom?" I ask, she looks at me with the same (I am so happy) smile while she is mentally somewhere else and with a pause says

"I am fine too"

it's been too many encounters like this that we are used to of it, and we know that while we are saying this still we don't mean it. It's just a kind of ritual for us now.

"I have got all those stuffs you told me to bring" I say while placing the grocery on the dinning table.

"I assume that you have already written down all those things that you need me to bring in the next time" I continue.

from the corner of my eyes, I trace her as she comes closer to me. And suddenly places her hand on mine

"Is there any problem Ice?, you can tell me"

yes number one - dad shot himself,

two - you stopped living and left me alone,

three - I am jobless,

four - nobody is ready to hire me,

five - "Ice" she says loudly while moving my hand with her hand
" no... no problem"
I say and stretch my lips to make a real smile.
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