Starbreaker: An explosion of classics

1. Jailbreak

   'Come with me if you want to live,' urged the lad, guiding the group towards a staircase, at which they halted.

   'I always wanted to use your phrase, Nate,' he said to his bodyguard.

   'I'd rather you called me by my model, T-800,' grunted the latter.

   'Model?' repeated Blackie, perplexed.

   'Yes, I am a cyborg from the future on a special mission,' announced the T-800.

   'And how should we call you, lad?' Freddy asked.

   'Oh, I am Adrian Flodden. Very nice to meet you.' That very moment Adrian pulled his mobile phone and handed it to the cyborg. 'Will you take us a pic, Nate?' and he placed himself in between the prisoners just released.

   'Such request is totally irrelevant to the fulfilment of my objective,' responded the cyborg drily.

   'I'll be glad to take it when you climb up,' said a female voice from the end of the staircase.

   'I guess you must be the model 37-22-36, uh?' —thus Freddy addressed the woman that waited for them (a heavy gun in each hand) in the upper floor, once his eyes had scanned her from head to foot, estimating her measures. 'I'm Freddy Krueger,' he added with a wink, hat in hand, 'and no doubt you may fulfil a desire of mine too.'

   'Actually, my name is Lara Croft,' she corrected him. 'And you are right, I could concoct you a balm of the ancient Inca to heal your skin, but there's no cure for a rotten mind.'

   'Don't be afraid of my becoming the man of your dreams, smart lass,' he persisted; 'I can guarantee you they would be fabulous...'

   'Enough baloney!' shouted Blackie, and he took a step forward. 'I demand an explanation.'

   'Golly!' cried Lara, staring hard at him. 'You are Blackie Lawless? You look so different in person!' —a phase of the training Lara Croft underwent for this rescue operation involved watching W.A.S.P. videos with the Hell Patrol.

   'I know,' conceded Blackie, quite miffed. 'This asshole's to blame,' and he pointed at Freddy. 'But I'm gonna sue you, you wretched lout, for spoiling my image.'

   Although Freddy had in truth only tried to help him, it was obvious that Blackie did not appreciate his gesture. See, since Blackie was very anxious and upset over getting ready for a commitment, Freddy thought that a haircut was just what he needed, and since Blackie did not specify a style, Freddy fleeced him according to his own fancy—hence Blackie's head now resembled a cork. That's why he snatched Adrian's mobile, in a frenzy to delete the pic that Lara had taken of them together before it was uploaded to Instagram, and to tell his manager that he had decided to cancel the tour.

   Then Adrian, in themidst of a series of thunderous blasts (the cyborg T-800 and Lara shot at thecreatures that had congregated all around them, keen on arresting their escape)related the situation: Freddy and Blackie had been captured accidentally by arace of intergalactic hunters called Predators.

   ¿Accidentally? Yes, for the Predators had mixed up Freddy for another individual they were after (a mutant with retractile adamantium claws); and they supposed that the circular saws attached to Blackie's forearms during a show were, like Wolverine's claws, extensions of his skeleton, composed of the same material.

   And the fire ceased.

   'The coast is clear,' confirmed the T-800 from behind a thick column of smoke that soared off the double barrel of his weapon.

   'Good job!' Adrian congratulated his protectors, skipping corpses along his way out of the Predators' lair.

   Now, how they returned to Earth and what is the source of all this bedlam will be disclosed in the following chapter.