I Hate You

I HATE YOU

I hate that after being broken up for years you still have an effect on me.
I hate you because you made me fall for you and you didn't catch me.
You broke me in a way I promised to never again let anyone break me.
I had worked so hard putting me back together,
After all the let downs, the abuse and the mental struggle that was my childhood.
I'm no longer strong.
I'm no longer independent.
I'm no longer balanced ME.
I am now and forever will just be WOMAN.

No name.
No aim.
No one to trust.
No one to love.
You left me alone and in the cold.
That's where the monster arose.

I didn't miss IT, this monster of mine.
Without him I found myself doing just fine.
I was happy... I mean relatively.
I found some meaning to life.
I found ME.
Now ITs back.
Nothing about IT has light.
ITS literally all black.... darkness is its energy source.
ITs powered by my rage, my love and my confusion towards you.
Now it won't go away.
ITs forever more here to stay.

IT wants blood.
My blood.
IT wants to see me hurt.
BROKEN..... yeah the way you Fucking left me.
After I spent so much time cleaning up the shit that use to be my life.
Even as a child, NOTHING was ever right.
I trusted you to pick me up.
I trusted you to not do what I was accustomed too.
You failed me.
Wait... no
I failed myself.

I should have known better than to put it all on you.
I just got so tired of fighting this battle myself.
I just got tired of caring for everyone else.
I just got tired OKAY!!
You were supposed to be there.
When I fell you. were. supposed. to. be. there.
When the monster came back YOU said you'd always be here.
I got complacent and trusted you to fight my monster.
Now ITs back and you are not... you're. just. not Fucking here.
Why did you leave?

Now Its just me and the Fucking monster.
Now its just me.
No you.
Oh and this monster I named IT.
IT is my friend.
IT wants me to die.
IT said I'd be happier if I just Fucking died.
Know what I'm starting to believe IT.

Then again now I have "FRIENDS"
A foreign term but they are there.
I don't know how to treat them because of you.
You left, maybe they will too.
None the Fucking less I have FRIENDS.
They want me to fight IT
But ITs apart of me.
I can't fight on my own.
ITs more fightier than me.
ITs way stronger than me.

I don't trust my friends to help me.
I don't trust anyone to help me.
ITs going to win.
I feel it in my bones.
Maybe no one will miss me.
They don't even know when I'm not home.
Maybe they will.
Don't know if I don't try.
But what if I try and succeed?
Then it's me and IT and I'll be in ITs darkness forever.

I won't know will I?
I won't see if they cry
I won't see them hurting.
Shit WHAT THE FUCK.
This is all your fault.
No it's mine.
I just fucking hate that you left and now it's  ITs time.

Know what man I FUCKING HATE YOU.