UNO!

I've never been a religious person. Sure. My parents tried to get me involved in the church, but it didn't work. And while I may not be devout, that doesn't mean I'll go knockin' someone else's beliefs.

Until I met Thomas, that is.

Now Thomas... Thomas is a card. He's smart, funny, generous, and the true embodiment of what it means to be a Christian. Just, don't play the man in UNO.

There are only 3 things that can take Thomas out of his "Christian Zone," as I like to call it:
1. someone being mean to old people
2. if you try to spoil a movie
3. losing at a game of UNO

If the latter happens, run for cover because Armageddon is headed your way. Like, I remember, this one time I was whoopin' up on him something fierce....

**

"God, just give me a draw card. Please."

"Don't go praying to your god, Thomas, or else I'll count that as cheating," I told him with a laugh.

"God is with me in everything I do."

"If that's the case, then I guess God said you're in need of a lesson in humility because he sure has forsaken you in this game."

"He's just waiting for the right moment to strike."

"Well, tell your god whenever he's ready to boss up he knows where to find me." I threw down a Draw 4 card, laughing like an idiot. Then the lights started flickering.

"What's going on!" we asked each other. The sound of light bulbs popping could be heard throughout my apartment, but the lights in the living room were the only ones that didn't break. Then the door to my bedroom opened, and out walked a man I had never seen before.

"Ready to fight?" the stranger asked, approaching us. He had to be at least 6'5", muscle where it counts, jet black hair slicked back with a matching trimmed beard, and his skin was a rich milk chocolate.

"Who're you?" I asked, standing up. I was by the coffee table, but moved back and behind Thomas...just incase.

"I am the mighty and powerful God. Alpha and Omega. The morning and evening star. I--"

"Actually, Lucifer is the morning star," I interrupted.

"...You dare question me?"

"Yeah? Why not? You ain't never showed up before so why now?" I eased from behind Thomas.

"Because Thomas has called for me and--"

"And I don't care. What were you doing in my room?"

"Using your toilet."

"...What?"

"Your toilet. And you're out of soap."

"You used my soap?" I yelled, "Oh I'm gonna kick your ass! My mom bought me that soap!"

"You're not really gonna try and fight God are you!" Thomas questioned me, putting himself between me and the newcomer.

"Hell yeah I am. I'll fight him and whatever other god wants these hands!" I pushed Thomas out of the way, "BRING IT!"

**

And that's the story of how I fought God. If you're wondering whether or not I'm a believer, the answer is still "No." But he comes over now and then to play UNO with Thomas and me.

Talk about sore losers.