It all Changes

*Beeeep*

I hear her heart go flat on the monitor. I run. I run as fast as I can, head pounding, heart throbbing, fighting back tears as I run through the fluorescent white hospital hallways. Some tears are tears of sadness, because she's gone. Some are tears of anger, and regret, because I couldn't do anything to try and save her. Others are tears of relief because she's in a better place, a place where cancer and death don't exist. I finally get to the end of the winding hallway. I make a run for the door, but something stops me. A force. A force too powerful and strong to explain. At least it used to be that way. That force for years has been my father. When I see him all of the tears that I've been holding back just pour out.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper although it's muffled through my tears.

"It's okay. It's not your fault," he whispers back.

I look up at his face and I can see that he is crying too. My dad, big strong and tough, is crying. I can't even imagine how he must feel right now. He lost my mom. The love of his life.

It's a week later. It seems as if there's been no sunshine, like the universe somehow knows that she's gone.

My brothers and I are trying our best to keep it together, to go back to the way things used to be. We're in the basement, I'm in a black Bruins hoodie and jeans, my longish wavy brown hair practically covering my ice blue eyes, lets just say that this isn't a coincidence. I aim to shoot the ball into the goal. I aim, and shoot... the ball hit my brother... oops! As you can tell my aim isn't so great as of right now. I suddenly notice that the basement smells different instead of BO it smells like perfume. My mom must have cleaned it. We haven't been down here in...

"Ow!" my brother screams, covering his eye with his hand.

I guess I gave him a black eye, because he's cursing and yelling at me... I'll be lucky if I live for the hockey tournament next weekend, never mind tomorrow's practice. Even though he is currently yelling at me, I know that he has my back, well, usually.

"Hey! what the heck dude?!" screams Jett.

"Ugh! Not again!" groans Garrett, rolling his eyes.

"If you weren't in my way I wouldn't have hit you!" I scream back.

"Whatever man. Just pay more attention to where you hit the ball!" he mutters.

"Jack. Jett. Are you two really fighting about this again? Jett, just man up already! You're such a baby!" says Garrett rolling his eyes again.

"Girls Girls, you're all very pretty. Now quit fighting!" says Steven.

"Stay out of it Steve," we all say at the same time.

Clearly this has happened before. We're all having trouble adjusting to life without Mom. Once upon a time we were happy, all six of us. Me, Garrett, Steven, Jett, Mom, and most of all Dad. Then one day, all of that changed. About one year ago my mom was diagnosed with Leukemia. Everything went downhill from there. She passed only six months later.

Dad has kind of, disappeared. He doesn't talk. He doesn't really eat. He locks himself in his room crying for hours on end. Who can blame him? He's in denial. We all are. My brothers and I are staying as strong as we can. Everyday we try to help our dad to move on so to speak. Most of all we try to comfort him.

It's about five months later.

"Boys, family meeting,now" says dad.

"Um, okaaay..." we all replied.

" I know that I haven't really been there for you these past few months. And I'm sorry. I completely understand if you guys are mad at me. I deserve it. But, from now on I promise that from now on I will be the best father that I can be. Really what I'm trying to say is, I'm back. And I promise to never leave you boys on your own like that ever again," says dad.

"Wow," we all say at the same time.

"We all get it, we feel that way too, we admit. Dad, you were in denial, we all were. Don't worry, we still love you," we say.

Dad is finally out of "confinement." Believe it or not he met someone. Her name is Cassie. Her husband died a little over a year ago. I think they get along pretty well. Soon enough, I think my dad might actually move on! From my mom that is.

Now, it's been about another month. My dad has a girlfriend! Of course they've only been dating for a week now but it's a start, and it's something.

It turns out that Cassie has a daughter, named Juliet. Both of them are unbelievably kind, and Cassie doesn't make any attempt to replace my mother (we all appreciate that). I'm glad that Juliet probably, hopefully, won't be the stereotypical annoying stepsister. As far as I know, my brother's feel the same way. But to be completely honest with you as long as ours dad's happy we're happy.

All of us, meaning my brothers and my dad are now able to speak of my mother without crying or getting super emotional. It feels good to finally be able to talk about her, it's definitely better than all of us being in therapy thirty years from now. Sure, I still wake up every morning hoping that it was just a nightmare and that my mom is alive and well. At the same time I'm glad that I was old enough when she passed to actually remember her instead of driving my brothers crazy with questions like What was she like? Was she pretty? And questions like that.

It's been two years. My dad is married to Cassie. She's not my mom, but just the fact that she's here and is so sweet and welcoming, is just enough for me.