The Mistake

Dedication: You know who you are, Ryan.

I walk to my first class of the day, on the first day of the year, of the first year of the rest of my non-elementary life. There are cards with our last names on the desk and mine is closest to the door, farthest away from the board and even farther away from the only person I can trust. Ms. Cliford, my new social studies teacher.

“Alan, I’m not gay, stop it!” I hear a boy behind me say. I turn around and there are two boys wrestling to get into the door. They break apart and the one I assume is Alan waves at me and goes to find his seat. I stare for a bit too long and only snap out of it once Not Alan sits directly in front of me, now talking to the guy in front of him. Geez this guy is definitely a people person.

The bell rings and Ms. Cliford starts taking attendance. I zone out, because I know my name will be near the end.

“Alan Bagwell?”

“Here.” Alan says.

“Ryan Barnes?”

“Present.” Not Alan says. Ryan? I liked that name, up until now.

I sit back and take a deep breath. Writing about him hurts, it hurts so much.

"This is what you chose, Janie.” I remember the assignment, Write about a mistake you have made that has changed you in some way. No one is going to judge you.

I sit back up and start typing, tears filling my eyes now.

A few weeks pass and I have grown to hate Ryan Barnes. His big head gets in the way and I can’t see the board.

“Barnes! Move your big fat head!”

“I’m sorry...what’s your name?” He says.

“ Janie. Can you maybe lay your head on your desk or something?” He smiles.

I love that smile. Why do I love that smile?

“Sure, short one.”

4 months later…

I wait impatiently for Ryan to get to class, he’s supposed to meet me to come with me and a few friends for laser tag for my birthday.

He whispers in my left ear and scares me “Sorry I’m late, I was fixing up your birthday present.”

Later that day, after laser tag…

    “Guys, I brought The Benchwarmers. Wanna watch it? Janie’s bed is big enough we can all cuddle.” Emily says. Ryan lays down first and pats the bed next to him, watching me as I climb on the bed next to him.

2 hours later...

I wake up with Ryan’s arm around me and listen to him softly sleeping and smile. Emily whispers in my ear.

“He’s staying until 10 now, he’s fine.” I smile and stare at his sleeping face.

2 months later...

I sit down in between Ada and Ryan.

“Jaaaaaaanniiiieeee!” I get attacked with a hug from the energetic girl.

“Hey.” Ryan says softly.

“Hey.” I nod at him. I zone out for a while as Ryan and Ada start talking. I hunch my shoulders in my seat and look up at Ryan, trying to find my straw with my tongue.