He had told himself this was the best chance, that he wouldn't have been saved in time to escape with them. How could he? He was just a pirate and he didn't deserve to go back there to try again. He'd tried to hide the hurt and heartbreak it was causing him to say goodbye to his Emma, to tell her he wouldn't be able to come back with them to storybrooke. It broke him.
He promised to move on, but how was he supposed to move on? To go there and be content without her.
Emma was everything to him.
The noise of the elevator roused him from his thoughts that had been wrapping themselves around how he felt like he wasn't worth it. That this was for the best. Perhaps it was the wetness on his cheek that had caught him once more from thoughts, to realize that the tears were his own.
Not that it would have mattered when he didn't know how to stop, to realize that he would not see her again, in the red leather, those beautiful green emeralds that he adored, and how he wished he could see them one more time to tell her over and over just how much he loved her.
Try as he might he could not have held back, he was a mess. A sobbing, bloody mess of a pirate who just wanted to do what's best, Killian was a wreck, he didn't know how long it lasted, sitting there and crying and letting it out. Sitting there staring ahead for some time before he had to move, to do what he promised Emma.
He would do this, he will keep the promise to her.
