Loving You Is Hard

“Thank you Grandma” I say “and again, thanks so much for coming all the way here with me” 

Grandma and I do not live in the US, we live in Mexico actually. And I would have never auditioned in Mexico, so we came here. Two years ago, when I told Grandma about my dream, she was fascinated by it, she loved the idea of me singing. I remember that she told me that if I needed an adult to go with me when I go to audition and she would be delighted to accompany me, not only for the audition, but also to take care of me if I do make it as an artist. She said she was gonna retire soon anyway, and Grandma and I have such a friendship! We are friends more than grandmother and grandson. 

When she first told me that I didn’t think she actually meant it, but here we are! She did it for me, and I love her.

“You don’t have to thank me. James, it’s an honor to be here” she says, placing a hand on my right cheek. I know what she means, it’s a long story about my mom. My mom and I have never had a good relationship, we fight all the time and every time we see each other. I still live with her, but it got to a point that I didn’t want her to come with me for my audition. I knew I would feel weak if she was here. I would feel uncomfortable

 “I’m so proud of you” Grandma tells me

“I haven’t auditioned Grandma” I tell her

She looks at me with her blue eyes “I know that, but you’re already a superstar for me”

“I love you grandma” I say, my eyes watering

With her hand still on my cheek, she gets closer and kisses my free cheek.

“LILY MOSSER!” says the man who tells us what to do before we audition. Wait what?! She’s the girl before me! I was talking to her about two hours ago, she was so nervous. I feel bad for her though, I heard her singing, and she wasn’t good. I didn’t have the heart to tell her, of course.

Lily stands up and before she walks up to the man, she takes a deep breath. “good luck Lily” I say and I smile. She smiles back “Good luck to you too, James. It was nice to meet you” I just smile and she walks away

“I’m up next!” I shout “Grandma, I’m up next! No! This is too soon!” my hands start sweating again.

Grandma takes my two hands with hers and says “You can do this James, you’ve been preparing for this for enough time, you have practiced your song over and over for almost 4 months! You can do this!You need no more time to practice”

“JAMES DALLAS!” Yells the man again. I stand up and practically do the same Lily did. I take my deep breath and kiss Grandma on the cheek

“You’re gonna do great!” she says “Now go!”

I walk up to the tall man and say hi.

“Hello, so here’s what’s gonna happen now, you’ll stand on that X over there, you’ll answer what the judges ask you and start singing when they tell you to… James” he says looking at his list. “Be sure to be confident out there, play with the crowd a little, Simon is looking for a response from the audience”

“Okay” I shortly say.

I can see Lily standing on the X, singing Skinny Love. I can also see Simon Cowell, he has that face he wears when he doesn’t like what he sees. Poor Lily.

Simon tells her that’s enough. Then they vote, and they all say no. Lily doesn’t cry, luckily. Then she steps out of the stage.

“Okay, you’re up next, ready?”

“I— I think so” I say, then he pushes me towards the stage. WHAT!? RIGHT NOW!? “Wait, no, not yet.” I manage to get a glimpse of Grandma, but she’s already watching the TV that will show me.