Funny that I started writing again now that I'm turning 24 years old in a few months. I still go to conventions but not as much as
before. Asthma went haywire, scars on my right lungs that can turn to pneumonia or tubercolisis as per my doctor, liver and kidney problems. Just drinking coke brings pain. What did I gain? Money but not much.
But I was able to buy my tools.
I also fell in love hahaha imagine that.
So much happened within that 4 years.
I got a job. Fairly good in Philippine standards. I went and treated myself good shoes, bags and no more hand-me-downs.
I managed to help people now. Understand how things work.
I feel that I was born when I started in college. And that I first stepped out of my cage when I started working.
Kiefer, the old me was very optimistic but was weeded out by society, I remained.
With creeping ailments to watch I had to take action.
Slowly Kiefer became a mask.
And I become a toxic core.
I fell in love after. She was a goddess the now entrenched me do not deserve.
I was to soaked in darkness. Yet every waking moments I want to be with her.
Even now, 4 months after the breakup.
She's right I'm already in a quicksand.
My health sucks, I hurted her feeling unknowingly which made it worse.
I wanted to kill myself.
But thats wrong... which made my mind suffer.
Not only because we broke up.
But allowing myself to live.
To what purpose?
The breakup is the alarm
That I really am not doing well in life.
I want to turn back time. But I became selfish... because I never had anything like this before. I wish I could shoot myself.
I became a feral.
I've been alone for too long.
I really am sorry.
