You ruined me. You broke me. Do you not understand that you broke me? Every day you shatter me into more pieces. I used to think that I was getting over what you've done to me. The fact that every time you looked at me I could see pain in your eyes. The fact that you stopped calling me beautiful and pretty. The fact that every time you acted proud of me I sat back thinking "everything I've become is in spite of you." The fact that you refused to support me. The fact that I've cut myself because of you. The fact that you couldn't even tell that there was something up with me. Or if you did you didn't care enough to do anything. That I've almost run away from home. That I've seriously considered suicide numerous times. Because the pain I was in was so bad that it felt easier to just cease to exist. How many times I've written my suicide note to you and my friends. I started to selectively forget. I thought that if I pretended it never happened that things could be how they used to. But things can never be the same. You know why? Because now I've put up a wall. To protect me. Every relationship I've had hasn't lasted more than a few weeks. Because I get scared. I've imagined all my friends hating me or killing themselves so many times so that when it actually happens it won't hurt so much. Because of you, I'm afraid to hurt like that again. I can't ever let you in again. I can't let anyone have the power to hurt me. And I hate living like this. I hate not feeling like I can trust my friends. Or my teachers. Because if I didn't have those friends and that school that supported me, I'd be dead already. Half of me wants to hold on to them for dear life and the other hates me for ever associating with them because I love them and it's going to hurt them so bad when I leave. I don't know how to tear down this wall and it's all your fault. I can't forget. If I wanted to forget I'd have to avoid any book, tv show, movie, assembly, conversation, or situation relating to depression because every time all I can think about is how badly you've hurt me and ruined me. You've ruined me. You've broken me. And this time, I can't pick up the fucking pieces. I hope you're fucking happy. Now it's your turn to shatter into a million pieces with every living breath. You'll see what it's like to live like I have for over a year.
