A prefect world doesn't really exist, but if I where to make one it be like this... And I kinda went off track is I'm sorry ... Hahaha I'm not... Things need to be said right now.
See it wouldn't be like the giver, where you don't 'feel' anything. You can feel pain and sadness but like in the form of depression or anything like that. But in death. And what I mean by that is like a loved one dying or something. I don't know. I think I'm going to lose my mind. Drinking 3 maybe 4 cups of coffee, and sleeping til noon. Isn't really good for you but I don't give a fuck. Everyone thinks they 'know' how I feel and what I'm going though. They 'know' what I think, and why I cry myself to bed every night. Well guess what you don't so stop fucking saying you do. Theres so many things wrong with this world. Every girl would know how to be beautiful and no one would call them ugly, fat, never feeling how me and other girls feel. There wouldn't be any judging, everyone would be the same. Not for real. My friend Cody has his demons and when he talks about dying it fucking hurts. My best friend Josie has hers too, but she doesn't really like talking to me about them. And I wish she would. But ad you can see that isn't happening anytime soon. I talk about my depression a ton. And I'm pretty sure no one gives a fuck. But meh... In this world there will be music everywhere. I think music keeps us alive somehow. It opens out hearts and breaks us down to the bone and exposes us to people who feel or felt the same way. That's his I met those two amazing people, though twenty one pilots. I love twenty one pilots, cus they give me light in the dark. And yea they make me cry, in a good way. They know how it is to feel worthless and feel left out. Tyler Joseph is the singer of the band, he's been though it. He know how it is. (Its not the best feeling in the world.) He's living his dream with his best friend, Josh Dun. Its sad to know he felt that way, to the point where he tried to kill himself. He gets so much love from what he does. He sings his heart out to all of us broken people. Their music fixes us somehow. It says things are fucked up, but could be a lot worse. But its gonna get better. Its messed up but cool. Josh, he drums so hard. Its like he's beating all his sadness and pain and making it music. Its cool to see how far they have come... Traveling would be like 5 bucks or something. So if your sad you could run. Get some air and be what you want to be. But in all this is why I can't sleep and shit, I'm thinking about this shit that will never happen. I'm done (Dun) with this world. But I have to stay. Me and Josie made a deal, its if I cut the she will too. If I want to die she does too. She doesn't know how that makes me feel. I'm not even worth it. I'm not worth dying for. I normally keep in all of these thoughts cus of what happened to me before. And what happened before you may ask. Well ima tell ya. I was abused, by my ex. Not my resent ex like we dated a while ago. anyway. He would hit me cus it would be for my own good. And that I needed to learn... Well I got away, I moved and I haven't seen him. I'm thank god for that. Keeping my kinda safe. Well that's it. Get the out now... Sorry. I think I lost sight of what I wanted to say I don't know.
~Maddie❤
