I'm reaching a stage in my life where I have to let go of my childhood. It's a piece of me that I've never lived without... The lack of responsibility, the room for mistakes, the dependability. I need to let go of it all. And although I've been waiting for this moment all my life, it's hard to even loosen my grip on what I have now.
I've never liked change. I think the most twisted feeling I ever experience is nostalgia. Especially when I miss being the person I used to be. I had a crappy childhood, I was a bad person, and I hurt a lot of people. And the worst part is I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought that I was making a positive difference in people's lives and I thought that I was helping. Little did I know I subconsciously hated myself.
Of course I eventually grew out of that.
At home I have very little responsibility. At school I'm pretty much just expected to follow directions. Nobody depends on me for anything. It feels free. But if I were to live my entire life like that, my existence would be meaningless. So, before I could expect anybody to rely on me, I had to learn to rely on myself.
I can honestly say that as of now I'm emotionally and morally independent. I'm just missing the physical execution. I do things I love, but nitpick things I need and avoid them. I need to start setting my own standards and going beyond them. No more doing the chores I was assigned. Why not just clean the whole house?
