No idea yet.

New Diary

                                                                              MY DIARY

DAY ONE:

The internet stopped today.

I should explain why I'm writing a diary at all I guess, especially since I've always associated diaries with 'girls', and why this is my first day.

I grew up with my sister. We were very close and I loved her a lot- more than anything really. We weren't always close though. Mum and Dad were always fighting when we were younger and paid little attention to us and as kids do we played them off against each other to get our way, mostly at the expense of each other. It was so easy to do since they never really compared notes- but eventually me and my little sis ended up just as hateful towards each other as they were.

When I was 5 and she was 3 my dad left us. He was a horrible man and did things to my mother which I won't go into here, it's enough to say that I never missed him. Things didn't get any better in our house. It felt like the damage had been done between me and my sister- we didn't fight as much be just pretty much ignored each other and the claws only came out when we got too close.

Our mum was no help, she went through the motions of being a mother, kept us fed and clothed but not much else. I think she was diagnosed with PTSD from the bad relationship at one stage but I had never really remembered her being any different. Growing up we felt no love from her at all. Looking back now I can't recall a single time she demonstrated any affection towards us at all. She was our mum and I'm sure she loved us, I guess, but there was no way of telling that. She cooked and she cleaned and made sure we went out into the world looking and acting 'normal'. A robot could have done as well.

(I can't believe I'm writing so much, it feels like a flood-gate has been opened!)

When my little sister was 5. Her name was.. Mia. I used to tease her by saying 'it's me-me-me-me-me' and kept it up because she hated it so much. Later on when we became close I just called her 'Mee' and she seemed happy with that.

When Mee was 5 she got a diary for her birthday. A huge pink diary with a lock on it that I never thought anyone could possibly fill up in a whole lifetime. It was weird, and something new to tease her about so of course I took the opportunity.

I didn't get away with much on her birthday of course, mum was mother enough to protect her that day- but every time I caught her writing in it I'd take great joy in poking her about it. "What girly crap are you writing in there now?" "Can you even write yet or are you just scribbling?" and anything else I could think of. It was my new weapon against her and I was going to use it up until it was completely out of ammunition.

One day I was particularly bored and hunted her down until I found her under a big old lemon tree in the back yard. It had never been pruned of course so it was huge and created an umbrella shape around the trunk- the branches hung right down to the ground and there was plenty of space for a little cubby hole inside it.

Again she was writing in her diary. She was lying on her tummy and her head was down, concentrating hard on what she was writing. She didn't even notice me sneaking in. I was about to start a new vicious attack when I saw over her shoulders the word 'dad' written on the page. My first instinct was to say something stupid about it since I hated him so much but something stopped me. I moved a bit to try and read more but hit my head on a branch.

This startled her and alerted her to my presence. She spun around and looked at me and I saw tears streaming down her face. For some reason this really shocked me. I'd caused tears from her more than once, though mostly she tried to fight against them. But to see her crying about something other than me seemed somehow wrong.