9.5/10

a new home.

I was never fond of water. I liked drinking it and to a further note- showering, but that was it. I particularly hated pools, rivers, lakes , you name it.

It was my fear of deep water bodies, as a kid drowning two times was not a very great experience. I still remember the day in second grade. It was the first pool day and as usual everybody was super excited to go into the water. I did not know about anybody else but it was my first time in pool.

So many years should have dented the memory, but it was still there in the back of my mind, sitting there, taunting me-reminding me of the horror that I faced that day.

Wearing a blue swimsuit like the other girls, that was a point in my life that I never bothered with the ounce of fat on my body or my grades or anything in particular that keeps me awake now. The sun was baking us but all I could think about was the crystal clear blue water. The memory was so vivid I can recall it better than any video tape.

Sunshine bouncing across the walls of the pool making it if not more-tempting.

I still remember the obnoxious taste of chlorine that was in the air.

The coach was telling us only to sit by the pool first for a few minutes and soak our feet, all the kids were not happy with this. I did not mind as long as I could touch the water.

I remember dipping my feet in the cool water and splashing everybody, I was fearless back then. After that everything is hazy. The strange thing was that I remembered the water exactly and the incident that followed a few minutes later,that left me scared for life.

"I know its hot here sweetheart if you want I can accompany you to the mall and help you with some dresses, it your last year of high school, you should be glamorous"

I wanted to correct aunt nikkie, it was not the starting of my senior year I already completed three months, it was my senior year in a new place.

"Its okay, I can go by myself. "

I did not want to be rude to her after all, the things that happened last month, it was a blessing she was taking me in. I did not want to give her the idea of me being even remotely happy about shifting but then I did not complain.

I just wanted a moment to myself thats all.

Earlier I would've been really pissed about shifting to an entirely new place and the cherry on top was that it was near a beach.  A freaking beach. I hated water when it was greater than me in volume- that is when I could sink in it.

Also ocean water made my hair kind of greasy. I learned that on a holiday with my parents, all in all giant water bodies and I do not agree with each other at all.

I would've made a fuss about it earlier, but now all I felt was numb.

My brain refused to acknowledge anything.

It was your fault.

The nagging subconscious reminded me.

All of this was my fault, if only-

Tears filled my eyes as I fought the recollection of that night. I cannot cry, it makes you look weak. Nobody likes sob stories, it was better to build a wall and be emotionless.

Swallowing back the the tears I pinched myself in the leg, hard. That was better.

I can't cry in front of aunt nikkie or anybody for that matter.

All I can wish for is surviving this year and try to fix everything back.

It was like this for a past few weeks, I found inflicting physical pain removed my urge to cry. Unfortunately, it came with a cost. Pinching or poking with such a force caused clotting sometimes.