Learning to Love

Chapter 1

Monday, September 14th.

I woke up to stained ceilings and eerie silence – the usual when you're living alone. Standing up, I made my way to the other room trying to find a path through the mess with what little light was showing through the blinds. Passing through mountains of pizza boxes, dirty clothes, and things that are too far gone to be recognizable, I'd forgotten how long it's been since I actually cleaned the place or if I actually even had. Frankly, it never bothered me. It looked revolting and uninhabitable but it also didn't feel the same way, but...what do I actually feel? It hurts my brain thinking about it. My world is in monochrome and it has always been like that from as far as I could remember.

As a kid, I was always the odd one out, even among my family. Dad always took my younger siblings to places that seemed fun and Mom always made sure they were smiling; however, I was always left behind, made to take care of the house while they were gone – probably one of the reasons why I moved out as soon as I could. They were supportive of my decision to live on my own, obviously fueled by the fact that I would be gone and far away from their perfect family. Great. They provided me with money and even gave me a ride to the school I would soon call home.

It was Chicago's state university. They didn't really care about their students as long as they got paid. Not even bothering to even enforce rules in the dorms of their school. Students came in bringing pets, vandalizing school property, and smoking weed in the halls. My home for the next year, welcome to your everyday Chicago State University.

I got a single room with an old wooden desk and a bed that clearly needed maintenance. The first few weeks were tough, but I was able to change this horrid room to a suitable habitable zone where I was able to thrive. The place was good, only a few people lived in the dorms, and on my floor only 2 others – an upperclassman who was always not around and a nerd whose face I haven't even seen because he's always locked up in his room. Perfect, I was alone.

The teachers never really seemed to care if their students went into class or not, they don't even bother turning around and having a look. They come in, talk, and go. We students on the other hand were more diverse. There was your usual popular group, nerd group, smart group, and then there's me. They all huddled together - birds of the same feather – while I sat alone in the corner of the room. I didn't mind though, I find friendships unnecessary. It was an added feature to life that somehow, I did not install.

I was debating to myself whether I should stare blankly in front of me or go back to my room, whilst trying to prevent any social interactions as much as possible. I chose the latter and I exited the class and went down the stairs all the while putting my head down to avoid eye contact with anyone else. As I was passing through the schools pavilion, I noticed a group of people huddled together around something...or was it someone?

My feet suddenly pulled me to the gathering crowd, but I didn't understand what I was doing, this was foreign to me. I never did this before but felt the urge to go and discover what everything was about, I believe this feeling is called curiosity. I don't experience it much though. My world was my world, and it was a dull and boring one.

I approached the crowd trying to get a good look at what they were so interested in, but all I saw were big round glasses and locks of nut-brown hair. There I realized that "it", was actually a petite little girl. She was obviously irritated at all the people gathering around her. Due to her small stature she was always pushed back when trying to get through. It was then that I noticed that most around her were guys. Typical.

Over here Lynn! I'll carry that for you!

Lynn, do you need some help?

Ashlynn! Let me tour you 'round campus!

Her name was easy to figure out. After all, they were chanting it like monks in prayer. Ashlynn, what a nice name. The crowd kept trying to get her attention, but it only annoyed her more. She turned into the shade of a ripe tomato that was about to burst.

"CAN SOMEONE PLEASE SHOW ME TO ROOM 348?!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. "Jesus."

Her outburst shook everyone and the crowd fell silent except for a small voice that sounded from the back of the crowd.

"I can show you." I said.

Wait...did I just say that?

The hair on my arms stood on end and cold sweat trickled down the back of my neck. The crowd turned to me and I realized how much of a fool I was. They were all looking at me, and not in a friendly way. All their stares echoed "Die!" and I felt my agitation grow. The brunette didn't seem to mind, she pushed herself through the crowd and pulled me by the cuff of my jacket.

"Good, let's get going. I really need to unpack. I'm already a week late!" she said as she hurriedly pulled me towards the direction of the school dorms.

I was in a state of shock, the events that transpired didn't sink in. Did I really just volunteer myself to show this girl her room? What happened to my near-perfect plan of anti-socialization? How did those words even escape my mouth? Something's wrong with me, I don't feel like myself anymore and I fear that it's not good or is it?