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I used to be a girl

A girl were she loved her life

a girl that was flawless

now I'm 15

a girl that slits her wrists

a girl that is suicidal basically everyday.

May... I'm May 

.

.

.

.

.

" MAY!" my mother yelled 

I opened my eyes slowly and then slowly crawled out of bed.

I looked at my bed.

Splats of blood everywhere.

From the cutting I did the night before.

I looked at myself in the mirror and slowly smiled at I put up my wrists 

" am I such a wonderful girl." I said with tears falling out of my eyes.

"MAY.. GET OUT OF BED THIS MOMENT!" My mother screamed

I didn't want to say anything so I got up and opened my closet.

I wondered what should I wear today.. like would anyone care.

I wore black pants, black skirt, gray sweater, and black wedges 

I hope this outfit will change my day by 1%  

I got my backpack ready for today. All I thought about to put in my backpack was * razor blade* *razor blade* *razor blade* 

I ran to the bathroom scrambled through my stuff and finally the sharpess and shiniest razor blade

I put the razor in a velvet box and squished it in my backpack.

I ran down the stairs to the table and quickly grab a piece bread and ran to the door.

I quietly said " goodbye."

But no one heard me.

I looked for the bus then looked at my watch..

7:45

The bus left.

I threw the piece of bread across the fence.

( I starve myself )

It all started a month ago.

My " used to be friends " called me a faggot and go kill your self whore, because I accidentally bumped into my friends crush and then for some reason he had feelings for me.

At that time my friends came in the lunch line before me and got my slip of paper and got my lunch and threw it in the trash.

Also at that time my parents could only afford food for themselves so that's how I got used to not eating.

Then when my father got a good enough job. When we started to get food I always got a piece of bread and threw it across the fence. it's just because everyone wants me to die or make me in pain.

I slowly walked to school with my hands in my pocket. 

Thinking about everything.

I picked up a rock and threw it as hard as I can.

Then I felt a tear streaming down my face.

"CAN'T I JUST GO." I yelled on top of my lungs 

I fell to the ground with out thinking 

After who knows when I stood up and looked at my knees

blood

blood everywhere 

on my knees

the ground

I started to cry without thinking

I walked and walked. I felt like I was going nowhere 

*click* *clack*

I heard footsteps walking behind me

I slowly looked backwards 

It was a group of popular girls and a group of popular guys.

Something was about to get bad...

I closed my eyes and imagined that they would walk past me.

After I opened my eyes and the first thing I saw was there faces surrounding me.

" hey whore are you alone again because no one wants a suicidal friend." said one of them

they pushed me around.

" hey bitch can you kill yourself because I want to stop wasting my time on you." said another one.

" hey gay you just want attention... But every one hates you." 

" hey faggot."

" hey cutter."

"hey suicidal girl."

They pushed me around till they stopped.

I didn't opened my eyes till...

*boom*

I felt that everything in the world hit me.

I opened my other eye.

I saw blood everywhere.

And a bloody rock.

A rock

a bloody rock.

I looked up at the sky and seconds later I closed my eyes and lost consciousness.

After who knows what I woke up.

I could barley move my face.

I thought I yelled "help." but it was just a whisper

I tried to get up, but the pain hit me like a bullet.

So I lied there hopelessly.

Without a word

Without a move 

I closed my eyes 

And tried to let the pain fly away 

In a simple dream

( but I bet its going to be a nightmare.)