Eternal Sunshine 🌞🌺

The Beginning 🌸

   My Bedroom
     ( 10:52 pm )

         I laid under him his body over mine , I can feel the heat in between my legs as he thrusts over and over. He tried to kiss me but I moved my head vigorously to the left , I didn't know what is was but I couldn't kiss anyone I didn't really have feelings for. You're thinking why you fucking some nigga you don't love ? Same reason all other females do it because we get so used to a bad nigga and his presence that we choose to say because we are to afraid to start over. He broke me a long time ago and I guess I just let it be what it was , never forgiving him but forever keeping this dead weight on my shoulders. Here I was beneath a boy I knew all my life trying to convince myself I was in love and because I was in love I should give him all of me. I guess I never knew what love was and it all began from a young age that I was so broken inside.

                        Ke & Her Stepfather

" don't tell mommy okay , it's our little secret" I looked at him my young innocent eyes burned a whole through his soul. " but what if she asks " , " if she asks don't tell her" I was five years old what more did I know about my father rubbing my vagina at a young age and kissing me like I was his woman. It felt wrong , but I knew no better , he was wrong. Growing up that memory was nothing to me , I kept it locked away in a box in the back of my mind.

" You good " my so called first love asked me as tears rolled down my face. I smiled and said a simple " yes " wiping my face. He didn't even know I didn't want to , he didn't know I felt obligated to because everyone in school had done it , he didn't know I just wanted his love , I wanted to feel LOVED. I wanted to feel beautiful to someone and most importantly to myself. Once things ended I always secretly wished I could take it back wish it never happened..

Emotionally broken , emotionally disturbed , my heart was completely shattered and life didn't seem to get better. This is me telling my story and I hope your willing to listen and hear me out.