Lava:FIRST!
Shadow: The announcement is below!!
Veena: Kys I actually am xD
Lava: yeah@! (1st btw omg xD)
Shadow: can we just continue, please yo!!
Lava: ifrst!!! hah!a
SHADOW: Im so great
Lava: wow haha i can’t believe this omg im first haha wow lol!! :D
Shadow: Kic!! Your!! Slef!!
Veena: first, get heccin rekd m8 xDD
Shadow: FISRTATATAT
Lava: i agree FIRST
Cookoe: maybe,., itshould,.,. begin
Shadow: :^(
Laurens: ew bye delete
Shadow: ;0
Laurens: ha hi
Shadow: Henlo
Cookoe: would u like 2 fite
Shadow: thnk
Lava: who u calling stinky stinky???
Cookoe: ew u stinkies im first
Lava: FURST!!!!
Shadow: (anal) Fist(ing)!!! 👊👊
Cookoe: FIRST BINCHES!!11!!!1!!!!!
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Narrator: Hey guys the gay furry is back! And now,,, another version of the previous midnight story. Hopefully it won't turn out trash like the last! Now time to start binch
Featuring:
Lava as Lava
Lava as Larvae
Lava as Connor
Lava as Evan
Lava as Alex omg i forgot him
Lava as Kic
Shadow as Shadow
Shadow as Jared
Shadow as show
Shadow as God
Shadow as statatin
Veena as Veena
Veena as any other character that thneeds to pop up for some reason (Eliza etc.)
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Cookoe: ,.,.,, henlo binches im furst
Shadow: Kys
Laurens: *rolls in* soup soup soup
Shadow: *sushi rolls out* bye bye bye
Laurens: :^(
Shadow: I want sushi now :((((
Laurens: i want alex at literally every second of the day 😞😞
Alex: you called?
Laurens: *finger guns* ay yo
Alex: *literally dies* you… shot… me….
Alex: what are you? burr?
Alex: *dies*
Laurens: i?? Gave??? You?? Finger?? Guns??
Laurens: how the hell are you ded
Cookoe: *brings alex bacc to life w/ MAGIC* binch how dare u die thats illegal around here
Veena: did someone say deathe’
Cookoe: no we said die u oversaturated emoji
Veena: o ok
Laurens: well i killed alex and thats pretty damn sad
Laurens: wheres my side hoe
Veena: you called?~
Laurens: no the other one
Kic: you called?
Laurens: *very fake!! Finger guns!! Safety first!!* yes yes i did that was me
Kic: hoLY FUCK
Kic: *grabs his chest heart area what??* IM SHOT
Kic: *falls on ground* oh god… it’s really the end…
Kic: *singke tear* im… finally… free…
Laurens: ,., cmon i dont wanna lose all my boyfriends
Shadow: wtf is going on here
Laurens: apparently i’ve killed both alex.and kic
Shadow: w.hAT
Laurens: yep using just finger guns
Shadow: Holyy shitttt
Shadow: You have hecka!!
Laurens: yes i know
Laurens: its a sad day when u find out u have hecka
Kic: *dies VERN hecka*
Cookoe: if y’all could stop dYING
Cookoe: that’d be real great
Cookoe: *brings kic bacc to life with MAGIC@!!!!!!11!!!1!*
Kic: *dies*
Cookoe:,., hecka
Cookoe: hEY WHO WANTS TO GO ON AN ADVENTURE!!1!111!!
Shadow: Me!!!!!!
Cookoe: okay so like we gotta go find a cure for hecka whos in
Shadow: there's no cure for hecka!!! :0
Lava: not m!!!!!!e!!!!!!!!
Cookoe: hecka
Shadow: *slapps her mouth* saying the h word will get you h e c k a (she spells it out you rotten apple core that not even the rats want)
Cookoe: well im gonna kill myself and go to hell bc thats where the two coolest people went
Cookoe: and then all three of the coolest people will be there B)))
Shadow: You're a vampire.
Cookoe: i cAN DREAM, SHADOW
Cookoe: also vampires can kill other vampires so i just gotta find a vampire (or god) who will kill me!!
Lava: nya!!~
Shafow: I secretly think Kic is a vampire he's too white, and he hates the sun
Cookoe: well hes dEAD
Cookoe: so he cant kill me
Cookoe: since im a vampire,,.,.,.,i can just kill myself!!
Cookoe: *kills slef bc heck logic*
Shadow: *singke tear falls* bye….q-q
Laurens: time!! To!! Kill!! Myself!!
Laurens: bc thats what everyone else is doing and i wanna fit in xDD
Laurens: *kills self by pills!!1! Like heather m!!1!!! xDD*
Shadow: What are you? The child of of Heather M and 21 Pilots?
Laurens: *hes dead and in hell he cant answer u*
God: Look it's the gays
Satin: Look it's the gays
Statatin:Loooooookkkkk its kiiiinkYYYY
Shadow: They're all dead w.hat
Lava: statatin ily please marry me
Statatin: Ily too <333 let's go~~
Lava: *elopes w/ statatin*
Shadow: Lava are you pulling a veronica
Lava: bc statatin reminds me of daddy JARED and im a furry and nobody loves me nya!
Shadow: …..france. :^)
Shadow: Y’know
Shadow: Jared's my main hoe
---------------------------
MEANWHILE IN H E L L
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Cookoe: wow being ded xD is great
Laurens: im just looking for my boyfriend and my side hoe
Shadow: *teleports there* sup binches
Cookoe: wAIT I DIDNT EVEN HAVE TO KILL MYSELF
Cookoe: DAMN
Veena: what's up binches
Shadow: haha yeah whoops sorry bout late notice
Lava: veena literally nobody asked??? ? ? ??
Shadow: Sng
Lava: nya!!! haha im so kawaii~desu teehee!
Shadow: Yes you are!!!
Jared: Henlo kinkies
Larvae: *insert that one high-pitched screeching thing cats do whenever they don’t get fancy feast™*
Jared: Are u fugucking dying oh shiT kInKy
Lava: you hecKING F U R R Y
Jared: Where's my main hoe
Veena: you called?
Jared: The other one
Shadow: You called?
Jared: No the other one
Evan: hi guys!!
Jared: ...there he is
Connor: hi i heard people died [emoji emoji]
Jared: no the other one-
Connor: 😫 😫
Jared: whyy
Veena: where's my papi john
Jared: kINKY
Evan: is that the only word you know
Jared: kinky????
Connor: oh yes jared daddy
Jared: I'm not gay dude wtf
Evan: *noticablfucky (← new favorite word) sad*
Jared: I'm only gay for my main Joe
Donut Joe from mlp if you remember him: Henlo 😩😩
Jared: No not you
Joe: wow ok i see how it is
Jared: where's my h o e at
Veena: where's my hoe at :(
Jared: No not you
Lava: lmao papi john dont love u no more
Jared: Go rub your niplés by yourslef
Connor: you can rub my niples
Veena: Kys pleae
Shadow: Connor x Veena confimed?
Veena: um no?? Papi John is my one true love
Shadow: I thought Laurens was
Veena: laurens is papi John
Shadow: Papi John is different!!! He works at Papa John's while Laurens doesn't!! (Hes Laurens twin)
Alex: i’ve been sleeping with the wrong person then whoops!
Alex: not that i give a damn though
Shadow: o H m Y g O d
Alex: shrug
Shadow: jARED GO GET EVWRYINE
Jared: kINKY
Evan: OH MY GOD WILL YOU SHUT THE F-
Evan: heck!! up!!
Jared; I'm not a fUCKING MAID (IMAGINE JARED IN A MAID DRESS) ← *jared voice* hot
Evan: *starts sweating lmao DORK* sorry!11!
Jared: It's ok <33333 ← is that a heart or a dick ← Both.
Evan: haha!!! ya like jazz???
Evan: bc i l o v e jazz band jazz
Shadow: I do!!!!
Evan: so do i!!!
Evan: i mean i already said that sorry
Shadow: Do you like bees
Evan: well i mean
Evan: i- i love bees
Evan: like all the different kinds of bees
EEEEVEE!11an: bees are really beeautiful
Shadow: dO YOU LIKE BAJA BLAST
Evan: wow yeah actually it’s
Evan: um, very refreshing and i love it!!
Shadow: Dear Evan Hansen,
be my friend otherwise I'll plaster posters of Jared in a maid dress all over your walls and hang balloons with faces on them :)
Sincerely, me.
Evan: when did jared wear a-
Evan: maid dress??
Shadow: I made him. Wear it. In public. That was great.
Evan: *locks at jared*
Evan: *jared lock back pleae*
Jared: *loccs bacc*
Shadow: That's one hecka boND
Evan: *locks away* i have no idea what you’re talking about i have no friends
Evan: i mean i have lots of friends
Evan: i mean i didn’t mean to say i had no friends because of course i have friends i mean why wouldn’t i have friends right
Shadow: I have frieds too!!!
Lava: KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN
Lava: KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN
Lava: KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN IS SO FINGER LICKIN’
Shadow: no
Show: Bad kava bad kava!!! *spraws waters*
Lava: not the waters!!!! Youch!!!!
Lava: *hisses away*
Show: Good *walks away*
Shadow: mY FURRY CHILD ARE YOU OKAY
Lava: *drowns* lmao bye
Lava: *dies and goes to super cal if ratio is fixed pi's libel hell*
Shadow: nO DON'T TELL ME SHE WNT TO…
shadow: Super cal if ratio is fixed pi’s libel hell!! That's the worst!!! God and statatin are there ;+;
Alex: but statatin is her fiance
Shadow: oh
Shadows: He the second worse!!!
Alex: who the first
Shadow: What's a four letter word for worse
Alex: *counts on fingers*
Alex: WORSE!!!!
Shadow: Alex it's you q
Alex: oh : (
Alex: WAIT THAT HAS THREE LETTERS!!!!
Veena: hey!! Alex!~~
Alex: hi
Veena: hey~ ;0
Alex: hi
Veena: no see,, I'm trying to flirt
Alex: oh
Alex: wow you succ at flirting l m a o
Shadow: xD
Laurens: henlo what did i miss
Veena: daddy!! ← *jared voice* Ki nK Y
Alex: i’ve been having seccs with ur brother
Shadow: Jared, Connor, Evan,Larvae, lava drowning, jared in a maid dress, and kinky
Laurens:.... Alex what the f u ck
Laurens: i dont even0
Laurens: okay wait i have like 3 brothers but
Laurens: none?? Of?? Them?? Look?? Like?? me??
Shadow: Oh yeah, god accidentally made another version of you except he works at Papa Johns, and Alex mistook him for you
Alex: he’s one sexy slim jim emoj emohi
Laurens: ,.,.,.,wheres my side hoe
Laurens: because hes now my main hoe
Jared: You called-
Jared: ew nvm
Evan: guys what does hoe mean : (
Veena: I'm here!!~~
Laurens: ew no veena outta here
Laurens: i meant my ACTUAL side hoe not,.,., Y O U
Veena: but?? :((
Jared: *whispers* kinky~~~
Laurens: i dont even know who these random dudes are
Laurens: like who let their STINKY asses in
Evan: oh hi i killed myself and then accidentally killed god so now im here
Jared: I belong in (((UNDER THE SEA!!! WHERE’ THEY SMOKE SEAWEED!!! THSAT’S WHY IT’S HOTTER! UNDER THE WATER!!!! TAKE IT FROM ME!!!!!!!!!!!!)))) hell, it's my home
Laurens: stinky
Laurens: wheres my new main hoe bc alex succs
Laurens: and not in the good way
Alex: : (
Laurens: @ kic where the f u c c
Veena: *puts on kic costume* you called?~
Laurens: ,.,.,.you arent edgy enough get out
Shadow: *doesn't actually want to be Laurens side hoe but dresses up as kic and slits her wrist* you called
Laurens: now thats too edgy
Laurens: beep boop bye
Shadow: Yay!!!
Veena: laurens just love me
Laurens: lol no
Veena: pleae
Laurens: no
Laurens: not even if im so drunk i cant stand
Laurens: i wont ever love u
Veena: *hURT AND ABOUT TO CRY* oh,,,.,. Ok,.,,.,,
Laurens: woah okay wait wait
Laurens: maybe if im that drunk id like
Laurens: drunkenly kiss you
Alex: you’d die from alcohol poisoning first!~
Veena: no no,
Veena: you don't have to lie :^(
Laurens: o okay good
Laurens: yeah i will never love you under any circumstance.
Shadow: Can we get a moment of silence for my girl Veena who will never receive love no matter how nice or pretty she is all she does is get rejected #lmaolonely
Laurens: itS NOT MY FAULT IM GAY
Veena: *lowkey highkey crying* bye y'all
Laurens: ,.,.,.,.,.,.,,.,just do you know i do feel very bad that i cant love you
Laurens: bc you dont deserve to constantly be rejected
Veena: yeah, yeah,, *just goes and sits in a corner lmao*
Laurens: *frowns and go sits next to veena in said corner* dont bee sad
Veena: too late hunty,,.,.
Laurens: *hugs veena* well im sorry for not caring about your feelings.
Alex: GUYS LETS PLAY CONNECT FOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Laurens: ,.,.,no
Veena: *hugs laurens bacc* I love youuuu
Laurens: i would be lying if i said i love you too
Laurens: so um,,,.,.,
Laurens: i like you a lot, actually. Youre a good person!!
Veena: *just like,, leans into him and keeps hugging him*
Laurens: ,.,. *just hugs her duh!!*
Cookoe: yall thats kinda straight
Veena: I mean,, I am straight
Laurens: but i am not
Veena: yes we know *lets go of him*
Alex: didn’t you used to be sGAY though like what happened
Laurens: im?? Still?? Gay??
Alex: not you silly!!!!
Alex: though…. you’re not as gay
Laurens: im offended
Alex: good
Laurens: why do you hate me so much suddenly like wow
Alex: because you hate me sng
Laurens: you know that every time i say i hate you i dont actually mean it
Alex: what ever man
Alex: roses are red
Alex: violets are
Alex: *asks siri what color violets are* purple
Alex: i mean blue
Alex: we’re breaking up bc i never loved you
Laurens: *he just goes quiet like yikes* ,.,.oh
Alex: LETS PLAY CONNECT FOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Veena: no, let's play spin the bottle!!
Laurens: lets play the hang ourselves game!!
Laurens: brb ill go first!!
Alex: i love hangman!!!
Laurens: yeah!! Thats totally what i meant!!
Veena: lAURENS NO
Laurens: darn
Veena: Sng man
Laurens: im just salty that alex is such an asshole :^))
Alex: *shrug* what did ya expect??
Laurens: i good boyfriend maybe
Veena: you know who's not an asshole?
Veena: me ;0
Laurens: youre right
Alex: N O
Laurens: calm urself
Alex: N O
Laurens: whatre you even saying no to
Laurens: last time i checked, you had no idea how to say that word
Veena: man you just got TOTALLY ROASTED™
Alex: KILL YOURSELF
Laurens: im just being honest
Alex: : ((((
Laurens: haha alex cant handle the truth
Veena: xDD
Alex: Y’ALL SHOULD KYS
Laurens: i would but veena isnt letting me :^(
Veena: nope!!
Alex: yep!!!
Laurens: im depressed that my edgy side hoe is like non-existent
Alex: who
Evan: GUYS WHAT’S A HOE
Laurens: first of all, i was talking about kic
Laurens: second of all,.,., youre a pure and innocent soul pls stay that way
Alex: ew kic
Veena: I'm better than kic UvU
Laurens: wow heck you guys
Laurens: why cant you just SUPPORT me
Veena: I support you!!
Laurens: then support my lover!!
Veena: you see,, I love you so that's kinda hard
Laurens: if you actually supported me you would support who i love
Alex: BURNED™
Veena: fine!! I support you and your lover!!
Alex: TRHUTHERD™
Veena: wha¿
Laurens: i honestly dont understand alex 85% of the time
Alex: : (
Laurens: dont you : ( me
Alex: : ( : ( : ( : ( : (
Laurens: take that : ( and make it a : )
Alex: hell no
Laurens: wow okay
Veena: see I'm better than Alex : )
Alex: true
Laurens: i wasnt saying that wasnt true
Alex: wow ok i see how it is
Laurens: alex youre kinda an asshole
Alex: u think i dont know that?
Laurens: i know that u know it but idk if u know that youre worse than veena like
Laurens: your ego is bigger than jeffersons hair
Alex: wOW
Laurens: just stating the facts
Veena: so,,
Veena: what should we do??
Laurens: ,., kill ourselves
Veena: ok
Veena: double suicides are very romantic~
Laurens: couple activities!!
Veena: I'll get the nooses!
Veena: not really though,,
Shadow: w.hat is happening
Lava: hey guess what’s not happening!!!
Lava: something fun
Larvae: *makes hell freeze over* LET IT GO
Lava: *links arms with Larvae* LET IT GO!!!!
Lava + Larvae: *puts on sparkly hot pink vests*
Lava + Larvae: *coincidently start singing turn it off from the book of mormon*
Lava + everyone else: noW HE ISN’T GAY AND HE TURNED IT
Everyone else: TURN IT TURN IT etc. etc.
Lava: TURN IT OFF!!!!!1
Everyone else: *converted to lava’s straight religion*
Laurens: my hetero side just won ;)
REEL! Laurens: dis,., gust,.,.ing
Lava: dis gusting? more like dis da truth xD
REEL!Laurens: ,.,.but,.,.i coudl..,.never,., be a
REEL!Laurens: hetero,.,.
Lava: well too bad you’re a mormon now!!1
REEL!Laurens: ha h if my dad found out he’d DOUBLe kill me xDD
REEL!Laurens: bc apparnetly ← (wot n tarnation) christiantiy ← (im so lazy thats not getting fixed) is the ONLY religion
Lava: but if he double kills you and you double die you might end up in that wacky hell kic is in
REEL!Laurens: .,.,.FATHER I AM a HOMOSEXUAL AND I AM NOT CHRISTIAN,,.,
REEL!Laurens: ,.,.,.,.,,.,.,
Lava: lmao sorry hunty but your father is in hevan for beign a good christian man
REEL!Laurens: but like,.,.
REEL!Laurens: *doesnt say anything bc ANGSTY AND EDGY PAST XDDD*
Lava: wait can’t you just kill yourself
Lava: because i just died and went to super cal if ratio is fixed pi's libel hell and i saw kic there
REEL!Laurens: i heard a rumor,,. That y’all can travel through DEH hells and heavens,..,.
Lava: *sweats nervuosly* no that’ds not true
REEL!Laurens: ,.,.,.,.,darn (get it??? Bc thats what stereotypical southern dudes say xDD)
Lava: yeah sorry man YEE-HAW
REEL!Laurens: i feel like youre tryin to like,., be a jerk and mock me,, but i would like to remind you that im from south carolina,, not texas
REEL!Laurens: we dont say yee-haw.
Alex: come on y’all lets go square dancing in the barn!!
REEL!Laurens: y’all are assholes
Alex: Y’ALL are rodeos
REEL!Laurens: i will not hesitate to stab you, alex.
REEL!Laurens: well actually it’d be more convenient to shoot you since apparently its a stereotype that all southerners have guns
REEL!Laurens: and i never realized how accurate it was until now
Alex: weLL SHOOT ME IN THE RIBS AND CALL ME HAMILTON
REEL!Laurens: we,,,, already,,. Call you,., hamilton,..,,
Alex: oh right
Alex: well then laurens since you’re such a BAD BOY and already one step ahead of me why not pull out ya horse and take me on a tour around the family farm? ;)
REEL!Laurens: ,,..,..please refrain
REEL!Laurens: i no joke got a gun when i was 13 i will shoot you and not regret it dont push me, alexander.
Alex: oh yes shoot me papi john
Alex: so then i can be with my love.,,.,
Alex: um, kiv.
REEL!Laurens: i thought your love was burr?? Or eliza?? Or even Angelica??
Alex: no, my one true love is kiv peony!!!
REEL!Laurens: okay but real question, alex
REEL!Laurens: why are you such a slut
Alex: what??? Do??? You????????? meaN????
Alex: *genuinalyfukc offended* i’m not a slut im pure and wholesome??
Alex: just ask anyone i’ve ever been in a relationship with.
Everyone Alex has been in a relationship with: he a cheating hoe ://
Alex: WOW FUCK YOU GUYS
Alex: well i’d never cheat on you, john~
Laurens (too lazy for the REEL): did,,,.,.
Laurens: okay since when did you actually call me by my first name what the heck
Alex: so john IS your first name heck yeah!!!
Alex: I HAVEN’T FORGOTTEN ANYTHING ABOUT YOU
Alex: H A H THIS PROVES IM A GOOD PERSON
Laurens: okay if you know basically everything about me-
Laurens: whats my favorite animal??
Alex: me ;)
Laurens: wrong. I hate tomcats.
Laurens: *remembers something* like just guy cats girl cats are chill i dnt have anything against girl cats if you thought it was like
Laurens: I JUST DISLIKE BOY CATS
Alex: wow SEXIST
Laurens: hwo,,.
Laurens: okay well you didnt remember my favorite animal which is like the MOST OBVIOUS thing ever
Laurens: so yeah youre a pretty bad person ://
Alex: well S O R R Y if im only in it for the seccs™ like most normal people
Laurens: ,, i cant even
Laurens: alex thats,,
Laurens: thats like genuinely terrible of you like
Laurens: so you dont care about the other person, like, ever??
Alex: if i cared about them it’d be harder to cheat on them
Laurens: cheating on people is like the worst thing?? And you should feel bad for cheating on people!!
Laurens: the people who youve been in relationships put so much time and effort into putting up with you and they genuinely CARED about you and then you just-
Laurens: go fuck someone else and they find out you never cared about them
Laurens: can you even imagine how that feels?? *lowkey bout to cry but me too laurens*
Alex: I guess not :^)
Laurens: *just rly quiet and HIGHKEY crying but trying to hide it*
Alex: w/e, laurens.
Alex: lets go play connect four : ))
Laurens:,,wow
Laurens: *laughing while sobbing like laurens wyd* are.. Are you serious??
Alex: why… wouldn’t i be?
Laurens: *is pretty OBVIOUSLY SOBBING LIKE>?? UM??* oh my god
Laurens: yeah no i cant,,
Laurens: i cant even spend another second near you im- *just stops talking*
Alex: wow, fine, ok.
Alex: go cry in a corner then, haha!
Alex: you’re only ever thinking about your own happiness.
Laurens: i think you mistook “you’re” for i’m and “your” for my.
Alex: fuck you, laurens!
Alex: asshole!!
Laurens: i didnt say anything that wasnt true.
Alex: it’s not like your opinion even matters.
Alex: go complain to your other boyfriend, who probably just killed himself furthermore to get the hell away from you.
Laurens: *just goes quiet like he actually considered that was true*
Alex: *is silent too,.,,., then starts laughing like a HECKING wolfskin folder ugly-ass denny’s crayon-lookin thing*
Alex: bye, john.
Laurens: *kinda hugs his own arms and starts lITERALLY SOBBING*
Oui oui: Oui oui mon ami le baguette(?) de french bakery bonjour (Yes yes my friend the baguette (?) French bakery hello ;))
Laurens: *doesnt even notice “oui oui” and keeps sobbing his eyes out,, except now hes sobbing on the floor in like a ball*
Oui Oui: oh no
Laurens: *still sobbing and honestly he just wants someone to hug him and comfort him he is not okay*
Oui Oui: *dies*
Alex: *noticeablfucky drunk* heyyy laurens
Laurens: *looks at him with puffy eyes from sobbing xDD* what do you want?
Alex: woAH
Alex: *sits down next to him* what happened
Laurens: theres a really long list, but at least 80% of it is because of you.
Alex: yikes!!1™ was i an asshole again
Laurens: *kinda whimpers like hes about to break down again and nods*
Alex: *hugs laurens tightly and leans into him bc he’s drunk* im sorryyy
Alex: oh wait what did i say
Laurens: just like
Laurens: you basically said that you didnt really care about your relationship partners
Laurens: and that they basically didnt matter about them because you only dated them for seccs™
Alex: yoU’RE pretty.right though
Laurens: what,, what do you mean??
Laurens: i was just repeating what you said *i would just like to tell you that he doesnt even notice that alex is drunk despite him probably reeking of alcohol,, hes too sad to care honestly*
Alex: well like peggy isn’t even that smart,, y’know
Laurens: *shakes head like ‘the fuck is this bitch talking about’* i dont- what do you mean? ← ME EVERYDAY)
Alex: and then there’s eliza, she’s like obeseKYSssed with me and like i don’t even know what i did ?
Laurens: *hesitates before talking again* you were you
Laurens: i mfuckean,
Laurens: she fell in love with you for just,, you being you
Laurens: well, before you started not caring about everyone
Alex: well i DIDN’T EVEN ask her to fall in love with me like im already married bitch fight me?? ?
Laurens: but you,,, you werent married when you met eliza??
Laurens: hell, youre married to her, dumbass.
Alex: NO!!!
Alex: i’m married to some other person,, i feel it in my bones
Laurens: no, no *grabs alex’s left hand and points at the ring there* youre very much married and if eliza were here, she’d have the same ring on her finger. *still hasnt let go of his hand*
Alex: *blushes* oh gosh johnny boy,,, are you HOLDING my hand??
Laurens: *basically goes YIKES and yanks his hand away* nah, i was trying to show you that youre married.
Alex: *scoots closer to papi john* to yooouuuu??? ; )
Laurens: no, alex. *holds up left hand that does NOT have a ring* im a very non-married man.
Alex: *takes his ring off and gives it to laurens* oh resALLY????? ??? ; ))))
Laurens: *sighs* alex, no. *gives alex the ring back* youre legally married to eliza.
Alex: and ILLEGALLY married to you~
Laurens: not.. No.
Laurens: though like an hour ago, i wouldve loved to hear that
Laurens: actually no, since thats cheating on your wife and thats not okay.
Laurens: so unless you 1) realize how terrible you are and formally apologize for it while not drunk and 2) show me some signed divorce papers signed by both you and eliza, i cant be “illegally” married to you.
Alex: actually, she divorced me last month i think for some “maria” girl?? and i dont understand becauase im such a not horrible great person,,,...,
Laurens: alex, you literally told me not even five minutes ago that you dont care about your partners (IM WHEEZING AT THAT TYPO LMAO)
Laurens: and that you cheat on people without caring about people
Laurens: honestly, alex do you not see anything wrong about your lifestyle?
Alex: the only thin *thing wrong about it is that you’re nottttt in it
Laurens: okay yknow what we’re gonna wait to have this conversation until youre not drunk.
Alex: but lets make the most out of it while i am drunk ; )))))))
Laurens: no.
Alex: : ( why do u hate me
Laurens: ive already went over this three times.
Alex: oh right
Alex: speaking of three!!
Alex: i got u a bonsai tree but it died in my car : (
Laurens: *snorts bc that was funny* are you serious?
Alex: LAURENS YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND IT WAS SO CUTE AND IT HAD A LIL BOW ON THE POT THING.. it doesn’t smoke pot tho don’t worry.,,, anD IT FUCKING DIED IM SO SAD
Laurens: *trying not to laugh at alex’s lil breakdown over a tree and hugs him tightly even tho they were already hugging shut up*
Alex: AND I GOT IT JUST FOR YOU AND I WAS SO HAPPY THAT YOU’D BE HAPPY SINCE EVERYONE LOVES TREES AND THEN IT JUST.,.,.
Alex: D I E D
Alex: *gasps* LAURENS,,,.,.
Alex: WHAT IF IT KILLED ITSELF????????
Alex: IM A HORRIBLE FATHER
Laurens: shh, alex its okay calm down
Alex: no it’S NOT OK I BONDED WITH THAT TREE
Alex: WE ATE DENNY’S TOGETHER
Alex: D E N N Y S
Laurens: youre too drunk for this oh my god
Laurens: i knew that you were a loud emotional drunk but
Laurens: *snorts again* i didnt expect this
Alex: *drinks moar!11* ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF ME?????
Laurens: kind of, yes.
Alex: …….,,.
Alex: I WANNA GO TO WALMART
Laurens: ,,,why??
Laurens: why am i even asking why like im going to consider letting you, a very drunk alexander hamilton go to a walmart?
Alex: pleaseee,.
Alex: *pokes his face* we can look at the fishies,,.
Laurens: no,, i like turtles not fish.
Alex: i know that u kinky little dog!!!
Alex: i just wanna get you another bonsai : (
Laurens: how ‘bout we wait until tomorrow when youre sober
Alex: i’m heading to the car!!!!~
Laurens: alEX NO *hugs him EVaN TIGHTER so that he doesnt move*
Alex: LAUREWNS U BULLY LET ME GO
Alex: LEAVE GO ME
Laurens: no, because then youd get in a car and youre drunk so that wouldnt end well and then youd die and i.. I dont want that to happen.
Alex: *calls an uber* don’t worry igot some hot guy to drive us
Laurens: so im being forced to go with?
Alex: yas queen!
Laurens: *sighs* its probably for the best that i go,,
Alex: *giggles* the uber is here!!! that was pretty fast right!!!?
Laurens: oh,, really?? Oh,,
Alex: *points at ugly-ass 2002 model honda car thing yuck yuck* to the shuttle!!!!!!!!
Laurens: maybe,, we should, get,, a different,, uber,,
Alex: NO
Laurens: alex this person is obviously super sketchy and honestly i’d much rather drive you, hell i’d rather have you drive.
Kic: can you faggots hurry up??? i have money to make.
Laurens: *realizes its kic and his attitude changes completely* wait nvm this is fine its all good. Cmon alex lets go
Alex: huRRAY!!!
Laurens: *yay goes to the uber and sits in the bacc bc,, thats,, what u,, do*
Alex: *eats kic’s car mints* nom nom nom to walmat please
Kic: ew it’s alex
Laurens: yeah and hes drunk so hes like 80% worse,,
Laurens: no offense tho, alex.
Kic: oh it’s also his boyfriend!
Kic: anyway, what the hell is “walmat”
Laurens: i would like to explain that first of all- im not- im not his boyfriend
Laurens: and second of all, he meant to say walmart.
Kic: ok loverboy
Kic: *probably goes 100 miles above the speed limit* so why are you in hell anyway
Laurens: i dont remember, honestly.
Kic: cool.
Kic: *glares at alex* fucking christ man you ate all my mints!!
Kic: oh also we’re here get out losers
Laurens: *sighs dramatically* i dont wanna deal with a drunk alex in walmart *but he like mumbles it so its like “oh wait whatd he say??”*
Alex: let’s buy the bonsais papi john!!
Laurens: *c r i n g e s* yep mmhm,,
Kic: *laughs @ laurens* lmaO GOOD LUCK
Kic: *yee-haws away*
Laurens: hey alex do u have the uber driver’s number??
Alex: whats his name again?
Laurens: ,,,kic
Laurens: *realizes he probably already has kic’s number and frantically checks his phone only to find he doesnt have it :(*
Alex: OMG YES I LOVE KHAKKI!! It has 3 Ks : )
Alex: K
Alex: K
Alex: K!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Laurens: thats,,, everything,, youre,, against,,
Laurens: has someone like
Laurens: possessed you what the hell
Alex: kiv’s number is
Alex: i…
Alex: i dont know : (
Laurens: *mumbles* fuck he was rly cute too,,
Alex: LET’S BUY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!
Laurens: *groans with annoyance* yep,,
Alex: race you there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alex: *sprints to the walmart xD*
Laurens: *doesnt even walk quickly just casually walks to the walmart*
Alex: LAURENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Laurens: calm down,, what?
Alex: it’s!! Kiv!!
Laurens: what??
Laurens: alex who the hell???
Alex: *points at kic who is WROKing in a starbucks next to the walmart*
Laurens: oh,,
Laurens: hey alex you wanna get some coffee???
Alex: wouLD I EVER?????
Laurens: ,,,im pretty sure the answer to that is yes.
Alex: ya
Laurens: alright then *basically pulls alex to the starbucks*
Alex: whee!!
Laurens: *walks in and smiles bc,, heck laurens is just rly gay for kic its concerning* ← me t actually what the hell?? no nevermind)
Alex: i know EXACTLY!!! what i want
Laurens: why dont you order then???
Laurens: i usually dont get starbucks so,, it’ll take me a while,,
Alex: can i get whatever i want??
Laurens: alex you arent seven you dont have to ask me
Alex: ok!!!
Alex: *orders everything bitter on the menu and in large amounts*
Laurens: *mumbles* can i just get a small hot chocolate???
Kic: what are you, gay? speak up.
Laurens: i mean you arent wrong i am gay
Laurens: *cOUGHS* anYWYAS
Laurens: i just want a small hot chocolate.
Kic: wow. you really are gay
Kic: *just,.,. quickly fills a tiny cup bc it’s hot chocolate like who tf orders that????? G A Y*
Laurens: thanks,, *throws a 10 dollar bill @ kic and takes the drink like binch he isnt paying for alex xDD*
Kic: hey loverboy, your partner doesn’t have any money
Laurens: i-
Laurens: *lowkey mad that kic keeps referring to him as if hes dating alex bc he ISNT!!!1111!!!!!* thats too bad for him. He shouldve thought about that.
Kic: wow harsh
Laurens: *shrugs and sips his hot chocolate*
Kic: good thing i don’t have to deal with that haha
Kic: my shift is over!11!
Laurens: aha wait,,
Laurens: i uh- *gets rly flustered bc he wants to ask for kic’s number but hes so shy and doesnt know how* i know this is really cliche but like
Laurens: can i maybe get your number thing/??? Maybe??
Kic: *laughs nervously* uh, why?
Laurens: *BLUSHING LIKE A HECCING IDIOT* um
Laurens: becauseyourereallycuteandireallywanttohaveyournumbersoicantalktoyoumore??
Laurens: *my son is so gay i just want him to be happy ph my G OD*
Kic: im- uh,
Kic: ok? i guess?
Kic: *writes down his number on a piece of paper and puts a smiefucky face next to it* there you go
Laurens: *blushing and beaming hes so happy* thanks!
Kic: whatever.
Laurens: i- um
Laurens: WOW alex is being shockingly quiet for once
Laurens: i should probably make sure he isnt dead
Veena: *walks into Starbucks drinking Jamba Juice B)* heyyyy papi John~
Shadow: piñata mi burrito!
Shadow: I'm sorry I just want to be important to once
Cookoe: why,.,. are you,.,.like this,.,,.,
Lava: *drinking a large iced chai tea B)* he just went inside walmart
Veena: @ lava HECKING loser. Jamba Juice is far better than Starbucks
Veena: also,, papi John is right there¿?
Lava: im talking about alex HECKING loser
Veena: oh!! Haha yeah,, I knew that :^)
Veena: so anyways!! Papi John!~~~
Laurens: *slowly baccs away*
Veena: *runs after him and hugs his arm* hey~~
Laurens: ew.
Veena: don't be like that >:^(
Jared: kinky!
Laurens: beep beep kys
Veena: *hugs laurens and kisses his cheek* ~~~
Laurens: *screeching* I NEED AN ADULT.
Veena: I'm an adult~
Laurens: i’d rather talk to ALEX than you
Veena: but, id rather talk to you~ *kisses him again*
Laurens: RAPE WHISTLE
Lava: im 5 practically an adult and i think it’s about time you start treating me like one
Laurens: im being,, raped,,
Laurens: maybe,, you should HE L p
Veena: hey!! It's not rape!!
Laurens: IT IS
Lava: *reciting tumblr poetry* it’s not rape if the female starts it!
Veena: *puts finger over his mouth* shhhh
Laurens: im so,, done,,
Laurens: why cant you respect my sexuality
Veena: I do!! You can like boys!! But I still love you!!
Laurens: thats fine but dont act like im in love with you too???
Veena: are we gonna have a problem? You got a bone to pick? We’ve come so far, why now, are you pulling on my TITS?
Laurens: i wouldnt pull on ur tits sorry
Veena: really? *kinda like,, presses her chest up against his*
Laurens: *takes a giant step back* ew
Veena: come on~ *gets close to him and does it again*
pegleg: TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR!
HOW I WONDER WHAT YOU ARE.
UP ABOVE THE WORLD SO WIZ KHALIFA!
LIKE A DIAMOND UP MY ASS
TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR
HOW I WONDER WHAT YOU ARRRRR *puts eyepatch on* yarrr!!! xD
Veena: who the fuck
Laurens: *R U NS AWAY LIKE B YE*
Veena: *runs after him* bABE WAIT
Laurens: I S W E A R T O G O D
Laurens: I WOULD MUCH RATHER LIKE TO GO BACK TO DATING ALEX.AND BEING LIKE EMOTIONALLY ABUSED BEFORE I DATE YOU
Veena: BABE DONT BE LIKE THIS
Laurens: PLEASE STOP CALLING ME THAT
Veena: b A B E
Laurens: S T O P
Veena: BABE PLEASE.
Laurens: FFS
Veena: *hugs his leg* pLEAE
Laurens: *lowkey kicks her in the face* N O
Veena: P L E A S E
Laurens: *shOOTS HER IN THE FACE* F U C K O F F
Veena: *dead lmao*
Lava: *feeds on her dead, decaying carcass* i haven’t had a good meal in weeks!
Laurens: gross
Laurens: *just kinda,,, walks,, away,, into the walmart!!*
Veenas ghost lmao: *follows laurens into walmart*
Laurens: *screeches into an empty walmart* ALEX.ANDER WHERE U AT
Alex: *has like 525600 bonsai trees* hi
Veenas ghost: Alex!! Laurens killed me lmao
Laurens: lol yeah
Laurens: anyways alex whats with all the trees
Alex: *kisses one tenderly on the bonsai* they’re my children i love them
Laurens: you shouldve gotten 525600 turtles
Alex: ew no
Alex: i l o v e my bonsai babes
Veenas ghost: I love my laurens babe ❤️❤️❤️
Laurens: okay but alex
Laurens: what if
Laurens: you ALSO got turtles
Alex: too late i already stole all this stuff
Alex: bUY LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOO the way
Alex: we should run
Kic the Cop™: ur sTEALING MY ORIGINAL OCS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Veenas ghost: shit man
Laurens: im chill with staying i didnt steal anything
Veenas ghost: yeah me too
Laurens: ur ded why would you even need to run u cant get in trouble ://
Veena: lmao u rite
Laurens: lmao i know im smarter than alex
Laurens: which i mean isnt very much
Laurens: but im still smarter than someone
Veena: yup *cough* butifyouwerereallysmartyouddateme *cough*
Laurens: *cough* ifyouweresmartatallyoudknowandunderstandthatimgayandhaveliterallynoattractiontowardsyouandneverwill *cough*
Veena: *cough* justshutupandlovemepleae *cough*
Laurens: *cough* fuckno *cough*
Veena: *cough* morelikefuckme *cough*
Laurens: *cough* lolnoyouwish *cough*
Kic: you’re all aressted for having whooping cough
Laurens: wait no-
Kic: shut the heck up you straight hats pinch nibbler faffot
Laurens: ok :,>
Veena: psst!! Laurens!! I can get you out of here ;0!
Laurens: is that so?
Veena: yeah!!
Laurens: sigh,, f i n e
Laurens: i want out
Veena: ok!! *picks him up bridal style xD*
Veena: *teleports to his house or whatever bc special*
Kic: you’re under house aresst
Laurens: :<
Veena: o ok
Kic: *flips coin, andand hands it to both of them* by way of the candy kitchen
Laurens: ??????????/???/??//??
Veena: ??????????? But ok
Kic: well bye lmHECCo im tired of your BEAUTIFUL faCES
Laurens: oh okay :,>>>>
Kic: *backflips out the window, breaking glass*
Veena: so
Veena: now that we're alone~
Laurens: IM CALLING (it) THE (connor project) POLICE
Laurens: *runs to microwave and puts in 911*
House: *catches (outside how bow dah) on fire* OUCH YOU NASTY-ASS BINCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Laurens: *dying in the fire even tho theyre in hell* ah yes
Laurens: :>>>
Veena: no!! *picks him up and runs out of the house*
Laurens: *suffocates in vern’s breasts and dies*
Veen: hECK
Laurens: *okay well hes in a deeper layer old yeller now*
Veena: *goes to that hell since she was already dead xd*
Laurens: *so this is like Super cal if ratio is fixed pi’s libel hell!! right*
Veena: *yeah sure*
Veena: *just goes up to laurens* heyyy babe~~
Laurens: gross
Veena: don't be like that
Laurens: too bad you cant tell me what to do
Veena: but I can tell you who to do ;0
Veena: and that who is me
Laurens: i’d hecc a cactus before i hecc you
Veena: that's a lie
Laurens: okay yeah it is
Laurens: but still
Veena: please man
Laurens: n o
Veena: pleaseeee
Laurens: honestly youre being as annoying as alex
Lava: man you just got TOTALLY ROASTED™
Veena: :(
Laurens: now i actually miss alex hecc
Lava: all he wanted was to buy you the bonsais man sng
Laurens: he was just trying to be a good person :<<
Lava: yeah and then you just decided to take a big shit on all his hopes and dreams
Laurens: IM SUCH A BAD PERSON
Lava: you really are, man ugh
Veena: yeah :((
Laurens: WHERES ALEX I WANNA APOLOGIZE
Veena: *s h r u g*
Lava: he needs to kill himslef first l m a o
Laurens: then go make him do that!!
Lava: how about i just rawr xd him straight to Super cal if ratio is fixed pi’s libel hell!!
Laurens: o,,, kay,,,
Lava: mmm two FINGER LICKIN GOOD™ meals in one day
Lava: *kills alex straight to Super cal if ratio is fixed pi’s libel hell!! and eats his dead corpse*
Laurens: o h
Alex: I’M SO FU KCING SAD
Alex: *cries*
Alex: lauRENS
Alex: *looks him the the eyes* saY YOU LOVE ME
Alex: OR I’LL KILL MYSELF AGAIN
Laurens: fUCK OKAY I LOVE YOU
Alex: L A U R E N S
Alex: *grabs his shoulders and starts shaking him* ARE YOU FUCKING LISTENING GODDAMMIT JOHN
Laurens: WHAT DID I DO YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN
Alex: I LOST ALL MY BONSAIS :,,,,,,,,,,(
Laurens: oh
Alex: WOW OK FUCK YOU DEEP IN THE ASS JOHN
Alex: *gross sobbing*
Laurens: okay wait alex hec
Laurens: *hugs alex* im sorry for being inconsiderate of your feelings
Alex: THEY WERE MY /CHILDREN/, JOHN
Alex: C H I L D R E N
Laurens: alex im sorry
Laurens: but we can get more
Laurens: and i know its not the same and you cant replace what you’ve lost
Laurens: but like,,, its all we can do
Alex: I FUCKING NAMED THEM
Alex: WE BONDED TOGETHER
Alex: YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND THE SORROW IM GOING THROUGH
Laurens: i know i dont
Laurens: but,,, like,,
Laurens: you have to understand that im trying my best
Alex: whatever.,.,..,,., i dont even care anyway, b-baka,,.
Alex: *sailor moon transformation* watashi wa kawaii sorrow!!!
Laurens: is it too late to say i dont give a fuck about you or your trees
Alex: but i thGOUHT YOU WERE OBESEESED WITH ALL MY FOREST EXPERTISE
Laurens: yeah no
Alex: ok then
Alex: bye binch
Alex: *grabs noose* *hangs slef*
Laurens: wAIT FUCK ALEX NO
Laurens: *tries to like,, kinda,, take down,, the noose,,*
Alex: that’s what you get for being non-kawaii desu you anti-senpai!!
Laurens: please dont talk like that even if its ironically
Alex: well i’m hurt, papi john
Alex: what happened to us? you used to ////love//// me!!1!
Laurens: i still do
Laurens: but youre just,,,
Laurens: i dunno more cringey than you used to be
Lava: it’s bc he’s been using the veena powder they sell at the 7/11s nowadays
Laurens: then?? Stop that???
Lava: why do you ask me to do every little thing for you??
Lava: god, so tedious
Laurens: listen,,
Laurens: youre better at everything than i am so thats why i ask you to do everything
Lava: im a hecking cat, laurens. there are things i’m limited to.
Laurens: then i’ll ask alex to stop whatever the hecc it was he was doing
Lava: hah, good luck
Laurens: alex.ander
Laurens: listen up
Laurens: a lil cat told me that youre smoking drugs that are making you cringier than VERN
Laurens: so you better STOP that RIGHT NOW
Alex: …
Alex: if i stop smOKIGN DRUGS
Alex: then will everything might be alright ?
Laurens: yes.
Alex: ok
Alex: what should my new addiction be
Alex: *takes out chinese chicken salad* mmmhm woff!
Laurens: alex n o
Laurens: make it something beneficial to you
Alex: chinese chicken salad is fucking the best
Alex: the best being me
Laurens: at least youre gonna go back to the way you were before
Laurens: you started smoking drugs
Alex: let’s play connect four!!! ;) ← s t o p wtf is this font I want to die
Laurens: n o
Alex: please
Laurens: why dont we
Laurens: turn into kids for no reason just bc children are precious and cute
Alex: tender!
Laurens: what,, the fuck,,
Alex: i mean,, okay!!
Laurens: *goes to that machine thing that turns everyone into kiddos bc plot convinience*
Alex: i dont know
Laurens: *is a smol now i guess*
Laurens: *lets say like,,, kindergaten age*
Alex: my kindergaten girlfriend,,,
Laurens: who??
Laurens: is it ‘liza??
Alex: no,, even though she pretty,, it’s actually…
Alex: naoMI~~~~
Laurens: why do you even like girls??
Laurens: like HOW can you think theyre cute??
Alex: becuase they have long pretty hair!
Laurens: um!! So can boys!!
Laurens: *points @ his own hair* SEE!!
Alex: but,. that’s weird!
Laurens: that sounds like something my dad would say
Alex: well that’s not a bad thing… right?
Alex: are dads good or bad?
Laurens: i mean, is your dad good?
Alex: i…
Alex: i dunno!!
Laurens: what do you mean??
Alex: i just dunno, okay!
Laurens: but how can you not know!! You see your dad everyday, right?!
Alex: yeahsure, but i dunno!! ok!!! leave alone me!!!
Laurens: okay…
Laurens: well MY dad is pretty mean
Laurens: he told me not to tell anyone, but since we’re friends, i’ll tell you
Laurens: sometimes when i dont do something he’ll hit me, but he says its a normal punishment so im sure its fine
Alex: you get hit??
Alex: with a broomstick and everything??
Laurens: usually its a belt,,,
Laurens: but sometimes just a hand,,.,.,.
Laurens: but its fine!! If i just do what im told its okay!!
Alex: is your dad a witch?? he sounds like a witch!!
Laurens: no,, hes not.
Laurens: i think he calls my mom that sometimes
Laurens: though it may have been something that just rhymed with it
Alex: a… a switch??
Alex: nintendo switch??????????
Laurens: no no
Laurens: there was like a p or a b or something
Laurens: but it rhymed with itch.
Alex: ….pitch?? like a baseball?
Laurens: no, it wasnt pitch.
Alex: *screams* biTCH????
Laurens: yeah, yeah it was that
Alex:
