I didn't know when it started again- feeling depressed. I was walking home from school, listening to my playlist, “Depression Sucks,” so that might be why I got depressed. It began to rain, which was nothing new- it rained a lot lately. I never hated the rain; in fact, I loved it, they way it felt on my face and skin. I walked in the old house and slipped my phone into my pocket. I called out to see if my parents were home, but they weren’t. They never were now. My mom worked two jobs and my stepdad was always out at a bar, getting drunk. He used drinking to cope with the fact that he had gotten my older brother, John, killed. My stepdad forced him to join the army, even though he didn't want to. The third day of on-ground deployment, he got shot and didn't make it. That’s where a lot of my depression is centered. That was four years ago, at the start of high school. So, my high school has been, well, shit. The only reason I haven't killed myself yet is because of my girlfriend, who I met at the start of school. She lived closed to me, and was almost always at my house- because her parents hated her and were abusive. I wasn't surprised to see her in my room, sitting there waiting for me. She looked up at me and smiled. I tossed my bag into the corner of my room and sighed. “Shirt off,” she said before I could think. She always checked me for cuts after school. I sighed and did as she said, removing my hoodie and beanie. She smiled at me, but sarcastically almost. “Nothing,” I said, “just like yesterday, and the day before.” She laughed at me softly. “I do this because I care and because I hate it when you hurt yourself.” I nodded at her and put my hoodie back on, covering up my arms, old scars, burn marks, and bruises. I sat down on the bed beside her and put my arm around her. “Hey,” I said softly and kissed her head. “They were fighting again, so I came over and let myself in.” I smiled at this. I laid back on the bed and put my phone on the nightstand. She crawled onto me, put her head on my chest and sighed happily. Soon after that she fell asleep, and so did I. A few hours later I woke to the sound of her screaming. My eyes snapped open and I sat up. Sometime while we were asleep she had rolled off of me. She was scared awake by a nightmare which happened a lot to her. I put my arm around and calmed her down. She buried her head into my neck and cried. We sat there like that, in my room, until about eight. She looked up at me. “I have to go home,” she said. “I know.” I kissed her and walked her to the back door. “I love you,” she said smiling. “I love you too.”
