CHOICES (Editing)

1

Cora

"Excuse me Miss.."

Nagpalabas ako ng mahinang ungol habang nakakunot ang aking noo. I opened my eyes when I felt a hand tapping my right shoulder slowly. I didn't knew that I fell asleep.

"I'm sorry for the inconvenience Ma'am, but the plane already landed a moment ago." Sabi ng flight attendant habang nakayuko. Binigyan ko lamang siya ng isang tango at matipid na ngumiti.

Finally, I'm home! After almost 10 years, I'm finally back. Goodbye New York, hello Philippines!

Dahan-dahan akong naglakad paalis ng eroplano. Isa-isa kong tinitingnan at sinusuri ang bawat bagay, tao o kahit ano na madadaanan ko. It's as if I'm memorizing everything, afraid of forgetting a single detail.

I embraced the fresh air when I'm finally outside the airport. Ang laki na siguro ng ipinagbago ng Pilipinas like hello? I'm just Five when I left and now I am turning Twenty one. See?

Nasa New York sina Mom at Dad taking care of our business and stuffs. I can't stay there any longer. I need a break that's why I decided to travel alone. This is the start of a new beginning. New place, new environment, new people, new life! I'm a bit excited. I am a traveler and I love to travel! Anyways, I still don't have any place to stay for the mean time.

I called for a taxi and went to the nearest hotel in the city. I was enjoying the view when my phone rang.

"Hello Mom?"

My Mom was worried about me. She asked a lot of questions. Alam kong hindi siya sang-ayon sa desisyon ko but I also know that she understands me. I know that. She witnessed everything that I've been through.

Few minutes later, nasa harap nako ng isang hotel. Pinagmasdan ko muna ang harapan ng hotel na siyang pinag hatiran sa akin ng Driver. Bago ako bumaba, binayaran ko muna si Manong more than the amount he asked. Muli kong pinasadahan ng tingin ang hotel bago pumasok.

"Good evening Maam, welcome to Hotel Ma Ta." Bati sa akin ng isang magandang babae ng makapasok ako sa loob.

"Good evening. Do you have any vacant room for one person only?"

"Maam, we would like to inform you that we don't have any available rooms for tonight-"

"I'm afraid, meron na. I'm checking out tonight." Putol ng isang babaeng maputi at medyo singkit ang mga mata.

Tila nanigas naman ang front desk clerk at walang nagawa kundi ang tumango.

"It's okay. I'll just go and find another hotel." I said, interrupting the tension between the two.

"No, Miss. Open na for reservation ang room na yun. I guess, they already cleaned it so you may go there na." The young girl said while smiling at me.

I'm a little bit tired and I don't have enough strength para tumanggi, so I grabbed the opportunity. This hotel looks classy anyway.

"Okay then. For a week please." Sabi ko sa front desk clerk na tila ba wala parin sa sarili.

"Okay Maam. Before anything else, please fill up this form Maam. You can sit---"

"No, I'll just fill this up here." After kong ma fill up-an ang paper na bigay niya, ibinigay ko yon pabalik sa kanya. She then asked me questions afterwards.

"Here's your keys Maam, just follow him for assistance." Turo niya sa lalaking nag ngangalang "Dave" base sa nakalagay sa name tag niya. I just nodded as a response pero bago ako umalis ay nginitian ko muna yung young girl as a sign of being thankful about what happened.

When I got into the room, I let my body fell on the bed. What a long day! Kelangan ko na muna sigurong magpahinga for tonight. Masyadong nakakapagod ang araw na 'to for me.

I did my ritual bago humiga sa kama. And as I close my eyes, bumalik lahat ng alaala, ng sakit, ng pait, ng disappointment.

I opened my eyes and found myself crying again, for the nth time. What did I do? Deserve ko ba lahat ng ito? Why? Bakit kelangan mo kong lokohin at saktan? It's been five months but I still can't get over it!

You left me nothing but wounds. Am I not enough Luis?

Those are the questions I keep on asking on myself. Five long months yet I am here, still crying and loving him. I pity myself for that. I wiped my tears away at humiga ulit. After minutes of staring blankly on the walls, the last thing I knew, I was swallowed by complete darkness.

Nagising ako dahil sa ingay ng mga katok sa pinto. Wait, someone's knocking outside? I am not expecting anyone. I headed towards the door while rubbing by eyes. I opened it out of confusion. What happened next woke my entire being!

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Yan ang paulit-ulit na sinasabi ng lalaking nakayakap sakin na may bitbit na flowers.

And dang! He's crying! For Pete's sake, hindi ko siya kilala! I pushed him away with all my strength na nakapagbalik sa katinuan niya. I crossed my arms and raised my eyebrow.

"Who the hell are you?!" Gulat niyang tanong sakin na nakapag pakulo ng dugo ko.

"I'm supposed to be the one asking you that question Mister! Who the hell are you?!" I asked him angrily.

"Sorry, I have mistaken the room. My apologies, Miss." He answered after a minute of silence. Na realize siguro niyang tatanga tanga siya.

I rolled my eyes.

"Tch. Next time, make sure you're knocking the right door. Istorbo!" After that, I closed the door. No, scratch that. I slammed the door. Really hard.

After that incident, I went to the nearest food chain to eat. Nagutom ako dahil sa kagagawan ng lalaking 'yon. I've never been into that scenario before! Like god! I ordered a cup of black coffee and three pieces of pancake. I ate quietly. Habang kumakain, I saw a sweet couple sitting in front of me. Oh great! What a nice view. Naalala ko tuloy yung mga panahon na masayang masaya kami. Deeply in love with each other. Yung me sariling mundo kaming dalawa kapag magkasama.

I didn't knew that moving on will be this hard. It's like forgetting half of your being. Well, that's what you get if you love a person truly and madly. The girl looks so happy. Her eyes are full of love and happiness. Nakikita ko ang sarili ko sa kanya. I hope hindi siya matulad sa akin. Everyone deserves to be happy. Except me. No, not for now.

While walking inside the mall, I saw someone. Someone who's very familiar. Is that him? Wait. No, it's impossible! Namamalik mata lang siguro ako. Dumiretso nalang ako sa supermarket para mamili ng stocks. After kong kumain kanina, I decided to go to the nearest mall para gumala and the rest is history. Bumili ako ng canned goods, eggs, noodles, hotdogs, milk, at lahat ng mga bagay na sa tingin ko ay kakailanganin ko.

After kong mag grocery, I headed to the department store to window shop. There are lots of good quality clothes and dresses here at very affordable prices.

Masyado akong naaliw sa pamimili at hindi ko na namalayan ang oras. It's already past One at di pa ako nakakapag lunch. Naghanap ako ng pwedeng kainan. I ended up eating here in a fast food chain. Masarap siya. They serve grilled native chicken, which is very very delicious! Sobrang na amaze ako kasi unli rice and nakaubos ako ng tatlo at kalahating plato ng kanin.

--

Umupo ako sa kama and opened my laptop. It's been a long time since the last time I turned this one on. A bittersweet smile flashed on my face when I saw my wallpaper. Me and him. Happy and contented with each-other. But that was long ago. Ano bang kulang sakin at nagawa niya akong ipagpalit?

I turned my laptop off at humiga sa kama. I wish I could bring back the time Luis. I miss you.

I still love you.