So today i went through my instagram startpage and saw that a friend did this kind of "tag post" where she answered some questions about her personality. Some basic questions like name?, age?, hobbies? ... but also things like dreams, adventures fears. She wrote that her biggest fear is probably being rejected ( I suppose that it's not necessary who but the fact of being replaced and rejected)
So it made me think of MY biggest fear(s). First I thought about the "usual" fears people will tell you they have. I must admit that I do fear spiders/wesps/ heights and so on but I started thinking 'bout other things.
Out of nowhere I thought I'm afraid of failure; no matter if it's in school, making my family proud or helping people or things like that
but I think something inside me told me that there is one thing that I never want to experience.
I was watching some trending YouTube-Videos when i suddenly saw the "hurt-Bae" video. It's the video where the girl asked her ex boyfriend how many times he cheated on her and he replied that he didn't count the times. (yes it's also the meme we all already probably know)
And suddenly I felt the tears streaming down my face but to be honest I'm emotional and I can start crying with no reason but I got this feeling that I haven't cried because I only felt sorry for that girl but also because I realized that I found out what I'm probably afraid of the most :
Being cheated on and getting my heart broken
I know that most of us will (sadly) go trough a heartbreak but just imagine how painful this must be. I mean yes I want to fall in love with the right person sometime in the future but
What if i fall in love with the wrong person. Someone who'd never appreciate the things I'd do for him or would see that for me there is nobody else that i could love the way I love him.
What if I will fall in love with someone who will never love me from the very start.
What if the one person I'd open up myself for the very first time will replace me with another girl. What if i never will fall in love.
What if my boyfriend cheats on me with one of my friends or my enemy.
What if I fall in love with someone and never will tell him what I felt for him.
I'm afraid of living a good life with a "perfect" relationship that can crash from one second to another.
I don't want to get my heart broken
I don't want to feel like shit, like I'm not good enough
I don't want to lose everything I build up
I don't want to fell alone
I don't want to love someone who's not worth it in any way
I don't want to feel the kind of pain that a heartbreak can cause.
I don't want to cry about someone
I don't want to feel like someone ripped my heart out and feel nothing anymore
I don't want to lose all my trust that I build up for the person that I love and is my best friend at the same time because a relationship is always based on understanding each other like best friends.
But the sad fact is that I will experience every very little pain that love can be blamed for
I will get replaced
I will get rejected
I will fall in love with the wrong person
I will get my heart broken
So yes today I found out that
My biggest fear is to fall in love and get my heart broken
