I used to be from California
and did as the romans did
used to stick my head out the window
in the afternoon listening
to music my grandparents
taught me how to love
with a four o' clock sun
on my skinny legs in the car
but the sun was never too hot
on the youth of my skin
sticky jacaranda blossoms
used to stick to the soles of my shoes
like hope used to
stick to my eyelids
and I dreamt of one day
being a giant
Used to live in California
and I fed my head
with books and words
fed my soul
with dreams and friends
I loved a boy
as only children do
we spoke the same language
read the same books
sometimes laughed at the same jokes
but we mostly did a lot of
passing notes
talking on the phone
I had to leave California
when I didn't know what leaving meant
I didn't think anything would change
the sky changed
the language changed
and the people changed
let go of some dreams
then drew up new ones
and I grew to love
learned to love
a place I hated
for being so damn far away
from where I wanted to be
but mostly
the people I wanted to be with
I still say I grew up in California
I name it home like a distant constellation
hope I can get on a space craft one day
land in a place that seems as far as Mars
and ride home in my grandparent's van
to a house I know no longer exists
have the same golden sun on my face
that lit up my childhood
hear the music on the radio
like driving somewhere where you know
you'll be safe and warm
he lives in California
and he still asks me
when I'll go home and I want to say
that I'll be at his house in ten minutes
or that he can pick me up at three
but I learned to love him deeply
we measure it in years and miles
and regret no pain
I can't put my life in a jar and label it
from neither here nor there
now I speak no language
now I know no home
save for this distant star
I continue chasing
