I. T. A. L. Y. [Halt and Catch Fire - Joe x Cameron]

I. T. A. L. Y.

From: 060114.2200@compuserve.com

Message-Id: <4Cmwjcgd11984@compuserve.com>

To: cam11106@aol.com (Cameron Howe)

Subject:

Joe stared at the white cursor which blinked against the black background. He wasn't sure what he should title the e-mail as. He wasn't even certain why he was writing it in the first place. He had drank – he glanced up from the screen to study the bottle before him – half a bottle of wine. He was still sober, but he was no longer able to hold back the emotions that threatened to spill. He needed to get it out of his system somehow. He needed an outlet, and this was the only way he knew how.

Dear C,

He shook his head. "Too impersonal," he muttered under his breath.

Dear Cam,

He exhaled loudly, and tapped on the backspace button to rid of what he just typed.

Dear Cameron,

"Too formal," he sighed.

Cam,

"Okay." He nodded. "That sounds okay," he reassured himself, and continued to type.

It's been a few months since our meeting at Comdex, and I just wanted to let you know how grateful I am that you are back in my life – that you're no longer angry at me. I've never really told you how much you meant to me. 

I love you, Cameron. I think about you all the time. I can't seem to shake you off my mind. I hate that ever since Comdex, with all that had happened between us, we went on as if nothing had ever happened. I hate the thought of you still being married to Tom. Why can't you just admit that you still have feelings for me? Why can't you be mine? Why can't we return to the way we used to be?

Joe's fingers rested lightly on the lettered keys of the laptop. The gentle hum from the machine was his only companion. He reread the lines he had written. He sounded like a lunatic. She would definitely throw a fit if she read this.

Joe picked up the bottle and gulped down the bitter liquid. He slammed the almost empty bottle down on the wooden table, creating a loud thud. He ran a hand through his messy brown hair as he erased the paragraphs he had written a moment ago. He drew in a sharp breath and began typing once again.

When I first saw you, I knew instantly that you are going to be special, and the more I get to know you, the more certain I am. You've pride yourself in being different, in seeing the future before any of us could. You're always a step ahead of everyone.

I know our time in Cardiff was equivalent to a roller-coaster ride. Things were pleasant for a second, and ugly the next. I admit that I was lost when I first met you which was why I treated you the way I did. All I wanted was a taste of the future, to be the next big thing. And you showed me the endless possibilities of what could be our world one day. You brought my ideas to life when no one else could. But you also did so much more than that... you showed me love. You believed in me when no one else did. You took a chance on me when you could've just walked away. But I wasn't ready for that. I wasn't ready for love. I didn't know what it meant, or how to show it.

You once said that I was just an echo, and for a very long time I couldn't believe you, nor could I understand why you would say that. That night, I came to apologize, to tell you that we could start fresh again, that I couldn't see the future without you in it.