Bad Motherfuckers

The Car Thief

Bad Motherfuckers

The Car Thief

Duff's POV

It's getting late. I've gotta get to the fucking gig. But shit, you just can't steal cars in broad Fucking daylight. This shit takes finesse you know. It's gotta be the right time, the right place, and fast and efficient. But I'm a bit pressed for time because of the gig. Axl can hold us up but let any of us try to do that. We'd have to hear about it to the day we die. So I'm trying to get this over with. But I get told specific Fucking cars to jack I don't do this for shits and giggles. I do it for the money and because I'm fucking good at it.

Tonight I'm after a '67 Camaro Supersport. It's gotta be in perfect fucking condition though. No dents, no dings, flawless interior, leather, and tinted windows. I have to look most of the day in fucking garages and parking lots. I'm not sure if I can even find one before I have to be at the gig. But I finally find her. Fucking beautiful car man. She's candy apple red with white leather interior. Hello beautiful.

And it's sitting in a Fucking grocery store parking lot of all places. One, grocery stores have a constant flow of people fucking coming and going all the time. This creates a Hazzard. Two, I've gotta fucking move fast. Whoever owns this baby might be about to walk right on out the door. And three, I have to switch out fucking plates before I can even taker her. The fucking odds aren't in my favor at all.

I hover down next to the car the farthest from the door. Odds are this is an employee car cause they usually have to park way in the back. I look all around me to make sure no one sees me. This is why you do this shit under the cover of night. More odds of not being seen or any witness to identify me clearly. I reach into my jacket and pullout a flathead screwdriver. I start to unscrew the plate quickly. I keep my eyes peeled. I'd say I get it off in about fifteen seconds.

I quickly duck down as shoppers come out chatting with bags. I wait for them to be out of my line of view and rush through the asiles over to the Camaro. She's about halfway up an asile. But she's closer to the front door too.  And she sticks out like a fucking beacon beside all these plain ordinary cars. I wait for my perfect moment and nab her plates. I hide between the cars as a car pulls into the lot. Shit this is taking too long, I don't know how long she's gonna be parked here you know? The fucking owner might come before I can screw her plates to the other fucking car. Opportunity comes so I screw on the new plate to her. I glide like a crouched panther through the cars back to the other car. I screw the Camaro's plates to it. Then I stalk back over to the Camaro.

My heart's pounding and the adrenaline is kicking in. It's on. I pull out a jimmy from my jacket. I look around. I stand at the door and slide it between the driver's side window and the window seal. I feel around and find the rod that unlocks the door. I hook it, pull it up and hear the lock click. Fuck yeah! I gleam and slide into this beautiful bitch. I sink down as more people come out. Please don't let it be the owner. Luckily it's not. I take my screwdriver and stick it in the ignition switch. I hit the end hard and drive the screwdriver into the ignition switch. I hear a snap. I turn the screwdriver like a key and her engine roars to life. I can't help but smile at how she fucking purrs. You gotta love the sound of a fucking 350 V8 engine. I pull the shifter down into reverse and back out of the lane. I put her in drive and go. No fucking witnesses.

Man there's nothing like the rush of stealing a fucking car. It's like this rush, this high. Your all amped up and watching for cops anywhere. You constantly check your speed. You keep looking in the mirrors for red and blues. You get all shacky and shit. But when you actually deliver the car you know then that your in the clear. Then the paranoia goes away and you feel like you just got off a rollercoaster. Then you get the money in your hands and you feel fucking ten feet tall. And then I realize that I fucking love this shit.

I get on the road and drive her like I own her. I gotta take her down to Long Beach. I drive her into a crate that will be boarded on a ship and sent over seas somewhere. After that I go into the office for my cash. 2500 in fresh crisp hundred dollar bills. It's all about the Benjamin's baby. Then I catch a taxi back to Sunset. I had Slash grab my Bass. I get inside just in time to hit the fucking stage. I'm still pumpped up from my car jack so I fucking rock out with my cock out.