volume one

Part 1

Chapter one is shit but who the fuck reads a good book with a good chapter one

Staytuned pls xo but before we start.....

It's 2:30 am

I dont know what i'm doing right now

If you know me and somehow you're reading this i want to let you know i hated all of you xo but make sure to share this with your pals if u like it

I was kidding

I have really bad fucking grammar but i love to write

Everyone i am using in this story i have changed their names :)

Something's about myself

My name is Renee, i'm 14 years old. Lately the things that make me like myself are slowly slipping away so violently i can feel it. Before i start i have been struggling with cutting,suicide,bulimia all that fucking stupid bullshit that makes the world go round ya feel? There are probably so many stories just like mine but i'm here to try change my life by making myself write this. I will be writing about my town, and myself. This is graphic and yes i understand that there are going to be a million concerned parents and people that are going to talk about this in my town, but deep down i know some of you feel just like me. I've learned to be very open with my mental health and to this day i struggle but i love me and everything that comes with me. Please be respectful if you know me personally this is strictly only for the internet this is not to be shared with the school. Please also respect that i wish not to be called out for this in class this is my space where i share my life. Enjoy :)

Chapter one: The elementary years

Despereaux was calling me, she was outside my house waiting for me with her mom. Fuck this is bad i thought my ripped black jeans had blood all over them and i could hear my dad running upstairs, fuck was all i could think my dad has seen me like this to many times to care. I pulled my pants up and made sure you were not able to see any visible lines on my legs. I walked outside smiled and greeted my friend and olga (her mum). Everyday i would walk to school taking a precise route to see older scary high school kids. But today was that time of the week, the time where there was a nuclear war that lunched in my brain that caused unfortunate events. Despereaux was my angel, when i needed someone to come get me out of a situation she was there. And today was a day i needed her. The boss of the 'house' was drunk again, he came up to my room and started to throw my clothes on the floor and continue to yell at me about my room which was not that bad, but remember those events i was talking about? Well my mind can't take it when someone has so much power over you and you have to sit there and let you mind soak up all the awful things are being said to you. Obviously families have fights and obviously they have problems but the things that i was feeling everyday was far from normal. What's fucked up about families is that you could have a complete criminal under you nose with

Good grades

Very successfully with sports

And somewhat decent personality.

And they could be sitting next to you and you could have no idea whats going on behind the scenes. So everyday i would walk to school always making sure to pass certain individuals just to make a point. So as me and despereaux walked into school we would obviously meet up with Sabrina (lol I changed the names but like fuk that now lol) our other friend who i spent most of my time with in elementary school. Seth and his friends would already be inside causing some kind of shit. Me and Seth were very close at one point, Seth was the only one that could make me tear my emotions out of my mind and somehow put them into words. So by this time of the day school would have started and what not. During my final year i fucked with weed alcohol and i have one thing to say about that i have no fucking regrets.

To be continued xo

Its now 3:45 am

Slay renee