So a woman walks into a bar

She took a deep breath and sighed. "I told you I kept your fingers in case you wanted them, and that was true. But, when you told me to throw them away, I didn't. I kept them in the freezer for days, without even knowing why. Finally, I realized: I had to taste them."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "What the hell are you talking about?" I asked. "What do you mean, taste them?"

"I... I took them out of the freezer, and waited for them to thaw. I cut off the meat and mixed it with a stir fry. It wasn't much, but it was... delicious would be a monumental understatement. It was an experience like I have never had before! I feel so close to you, Jared. I know you will always be a part of me now, forever and ever."

"How can you be so calm about it? That's cannibalism! It's just not normal!"

"What?" she said casually. "It's not like you were doing anything with them."

I couldn't stand it anymore. I had to leave. Rich or no, there was no way I was going to date someone who was so obviously unbalanced. I went home and tried desperately to forget about what had occurred. But how the hell do you forget that your girlfriend is a cannibal?

I went to sleep and had the first of the nightmares. Pamela in a low-cut dress the color of congealed blood. Smiling, she dropped to her knees. She licked her lips and sunk her teeth into me. I woke up screaming.

After a few nights, I just stopped sleeping. I couldn't stand to have the damn dream again! I went to work in a daze. I didn't remember doing it, but apparently I threw the wrong switch and sent the conveyer belt into reverse. Fifty thousand dollars in equipment, destroyed instantly. Needles to say, I was fired on the spot.

A month went by, and what little savings I had was gone. My bills turned from "second notice" to "third notice" to downright threatening letters in red envelopes. As I read yet another angry note from my landlord, I finished the last of my food.

And then, I got a letter from mother. She had been in a car accident, and both her legs were crushed. The doctors had to replace both her hips and put metal rods in her legs. She would need months of physical therapy to walk again. And she wanted to know if I could help her with the avalanche of medical bills that was threatening to bury her alive.

I'm ashamed to say it, but I tried to drink away my problems. I don't remember much of the next few days. Finally, the day before the telephone company was going to shut off my service, I got a call.

"Jared? It's me, Pamela. I know you don't like me anymore, and I completely understand. However, I have a proposition for you. Can you come to my place for dinner?" The woman who ruined my life, who destroyed me, wanted me to come over for dinner? Oh, this had better be good! I had a cold shower and drank coffee until I felt sober enough to drive. It was a long drive to her place, and I wanted to get there in one piece.

She greeted me at the door with a sly smile and a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to throw her to the floor and stomp on her head until her skull gave way. But I didn't. I had to hear her little proposal first. She led me into a small sitting room, where three men in white coats were waiting. "Jared, these are my friends: Dr. Drummond, Dr. Fielding, and Dr. Welting." We shook hands and sat down. Pamela left, returning a moment later with cocktails on a silver tray.

I was tense, struggling to hold back my anger, but I forced myself to make polite conversation. It felt like hours until we got down to business.

"Jared," Pamela said finally, "As you have seen, I am a very rich woman. And wealth allows one to indulge certain... desires."

"What desires?" I snapped. "Get to the damn point."

"If that's the way you want it," she laughed. "You, Jared. I desire you. Or rather, a part of you. I can still taste your flesh in my mouth, and my body aches for more. That's why these surgeons are here. Like Shakespeare's money lender, I want a pound of your flesh. More, even. I am prepared to offer you one hundred thousand dollars a pound, for however much you care to sell."