Abandoned~On Hold

Abandoned

I sat holding my knees close to my chest, shivering as the night air blew my matted hair against my face. I turned away from it as I felt tears forming in my eyes. I was only twelve but I had gone through more things than most adults.

My mother had died a few months ago and my dad, being the drunken bastard he was, kicked me out. Even blamed me for my mom's death. I blamed myself sometimes. I had distracted my mom while riding in the car with her and we crashed. We veered off course and into oncoming traffic, never a good thing in Pittsburgh. The bridge we were on prevented us from going too far but my mom died instantly. Me on the other hand, well I got to live. Something I wasn't proud of.

My mother had always loved me and I knew she wouldn't want me to blame myself but I did. I deserved to be kicked out of the house, I deserved to be sick, I deserved to be unloved, and I deserved to be alone.

My tears rolled down my cheeks and hit my jeans. Sniffling I pulled an old dirty blanket around me trying to forget about how cold I was. I had no clue how I was going to live but right now I didn't see much of a point in it.

I often found myself sitting on a corner in Pittsburgh staring at the bridge where my mother died. Replaying every instant through my head. A lot of people stopped and stared at me or asked me where my parents were, to reply I would just stare at them. After all my mom always told me to never talk to strangers. Some would try to touch me or pull me up only to have me jerk away from them and take off.

Truth was I didn't want to be taken care of. I didn't deserve the love that came with having a family, or that was supposed to come from having a family.

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*Next Morning*

I woke up to the sound of a car honking at someone else. That was my usual alarm clock. It was the same chubby faced man that was always running late and blaming it on other drivers. He pissed me off, one day he was going to cause an accident with his reckless driving.

My stomach growled forcing me to stop glaring at the man through the car. I stood up and brushed my torn jeans off and headed for the hotel nearby. They always fed me if I came. I was like their little lost puppy everyone felt like feeding but never truly wanted to have.

I pulled my black hoodie against me tight and took off, my now dirt stained converses patting against the ground as I darted through traffic. I arrived at the hotel soon enough and waited for an opening, it had one of those rotating doors that children always seemed to have fun with. Currently there were two kids who looked to be four or five running around in it. That caused me to smile slightly but when their parents saw me staring at them they ushered them into the hotel glaring at me as if I was a disease.

Sighing I hung my head and entered the hotel heading straight for the restaurant. I walked up to the counter letting my eyes do the speaking.

"I'll have whatever we can scrape up out for you right away hun," the lady behind the counter said.

"May I ask you your name?" the same lady asked curiously.

In response I stared at her like I did with everyone. I didn't like talking to anyone. I liked living in my head and keeping everything about me to myself.

Shaking her head the lady turned away and walked to what I assumed to be the chef. After a few seconds of her talking and pointing the chef grinned and nodded. I really didn't see what he found so amusing about a twelve year old homeless girl walking into a hotel for food.

The lady came back with a smile spread across her face.

"I got our chef to cook you French toast with ice cream, cinnamon, and chocolate for syrup. I also have hash browns orange juice and a side of bacon. I know we usually don't do this but we always have leftovers here so I think we can spare some for you," she said the same smile still plastered to her face.

Instead of thanking her like I knew I should I continued to stare at her and eventually hopped off my stool and went to the bathroom. Once inside I used the bathroom and came out to wash my face, hands, hair, and whatever else I could. Once done I stared at myself in the mirror. My once curly black hair was now tangled and sticking out everywhere. My blue eyes that my mother always used to call sparkling seemed to be dark and empty and my pale skin still remained but it too seemed to be less pretty.

Turning away I walked back out to the counter to see my breakfast waiting. Grinning a bit I climbed back up the stool and began to devour my food.

"I'm glad to see you like it," the lady said.

Chewing my food slowly now I nodded my head at her causing her to giggle.

"Oh I finally got a recognition I thought that maybe you couldn't understand us or couldn't hear but now I know you can," she said.

In response I snorted at her ignorance. I felt smarter than her and I was twelve. I would love to see her innocent self in my situation she probably wouldn't last a night.

Shaking my head I finished my food and pushed the plates to her. As I was leaving I nodded my head, still refusing to speak.

I walked right out of the hotel and stared at my surroundings. Pittsburgh was all tall buildings and the streets were filled with people. It wasn't overly crowded like New York but it was enough to make you know you were in a big city.

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this isnt a chapter its just the start of a story. i got the idea from listening to Coldplay's Paradise. Don't know how just did and its the first time I've got the urge to write in a while so figured i should. let me know what you think ill try to finish this chapter soon (: