the outside used to scare me.
too unpredictable, too light, too much
i used to be afraid of letting the sun see my face, as if it would burn me to the ground.
i uesd to be afraid of them, as if they would tear my body to shreds.
i used to be afraid of the most innocent of touch, as if it would take my organs and replace them with poison ivy.
instead of living i used to lock myself in a prison the shape of my body, shattering to pieces a million times a day, drowning myself in an ocean of tears, trashing paintings and mirrors and sleeping in the shards.
i used to
i used to
so you can go ahead and call me neurotic, a failure, pathetic.
because today, i saw the sun.
