My Dearest A, November 14,2014
"You are the Love of my Life, the Sunshine in my Morning and the Sweet Icing on my Donut. I may have made mistakes, lied and can be stubborn at times - But I can honestly say that I have loved you from the start and I will love you even more tomorrow. With a sincere heart I wholeheartedly Apologize for Today, Yesterday and for tomorrow. I Apologize for the Smaller things, that Become the Bigger Stuff... the Emptyiness and feeling Numb."
Mostlikely I am going to regret this (along with so many other things) That is if I am courageous enough to verbalize my complex mind and disturbing behavior to you honestly, completely, acutely and without deception. I find myself at a loss of words but yet I have so much to say. I'm struggling to express my inner self out loud. No more fabrication or incomplete truths. It may be at my displeasure and discomfort and extreamly difficult to translate my thoughts into words , I find myself in the dead silence, struggling with coming face to face with the fucked up reality of today. Having to or how to piece together and understand my own thoughts and crazed demeanor has me silenced and subdued my thought process. But I need to declare my imprisoned inner self no matter what . Right here and right now, I can hold nothing back. I am in such a fucked up state of mind. I am not okay and despite how unconfortable I am right now, there are no words to explain how I am feeling. I am not liking this and just about ready to throw up. These insane fucked up emotions are running through my entire body, aggressively pumping throughtout my vains. Fuck . . . has got to be one of the hardest things I've ever had to express. I'm embaressed but determined to heal our wounds. . .
There will never be justification for the disruptive falshood, and deceit I have selfishly put our relationship through. I take ownership of all my catastrophic poor decition making. You have been very good to me and I should never feel as though I need to question or second guess you and what you say in any way shape or form. But something is off. Something not right. I am at war inside because I find myself suspicius and combative towards you but at the same time correct myself and remind mysel of who you are as a man ,friend and lover. But ulitimitly my inner intution wont allow me to let go of this unsettled feeling.
YOU ARE READING
Letters UNSENT * Perfectly Imperfect Love
PoetryIt's easier to keep silent safely launching passive aggression, dodging an unsightly shouting match believing everything is okay, clearly both needing to open up , without an ugly confrontation, we should know it's not alright, and have remedy...
