Knowing You're There

Chapter 7

“Huh,” he said.  “Now I can understand why you said he’s such a jerk.” 

My hands balled into fists.  “That’s the whole reason I started wearing these.  He got all the other kids to start making fun of me.  Then as soon as I got them, he kept trying to take them from me.” 

“That’s horrible.”  He moved closer to me.  “Just so you know, I would never do that to you…on purpose, I mean.” 

“Can I ask you something, Kurt?” 

“Sure.  What is it?” 

I tilted my head up towards his voice, hoping his eyes were meeting mine.  “I don’t know if this sounds weird or anything, but can I have a hug?” 

Without a word, he leaned over and wrapped me in his arms.  I tried not to squeeze him too tight.  Right then, I wanted to stay there with him forever.  His one hand held my upper back, the other glided up and down my coat.  I held him tighter.  It was like we had melted together in that hug, we were infused and inseparable.  I could feel his breath on the back of my neck.  It would’ve been much more romantic if it didn’t tickle so much. 

Then, right in the heat of the moment, there was a car horn.   

Kurt and I instantly split apart.  Even if I could see and I knew my mom was coming, I still would’ve clung to Kurt.  It was only because of the surprise that I let go.  I bit down on my lip and rushed to my feet, trying to gather myself.  For some reason I was dusting myself off.  To my surprise, Kurt didn’t run off and bail like Sarah every time we ran into an adult unexpectedly. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow Kurt,” I said as I rushed into the car.  I flung the door open and toppled into the back seat with Star.  “I can explain.” 

The automatic door shut.  “Make sure you put on your seatbelt,” Mom said bluntly. 

I swallowed hard and buckled up.  The car started to pick up speed as we turned out of the parking lot.  Star was panting from the car’s maximum-turned-up heat.  I pulled off one of my gloves and started chewing on my nails—something I hadn’t done in years. 

“So, why were you hugging Kurt?” she asked.  “You like him!” 

I crossed my arms.  “Maybe.” 

“Lia,” she said.  “Your pants must be totally singed, you little liar you.” 

“You know, not one person today has called me honest,” I said, leaning my head on the cool glass of the window. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Everyone is all up in my face about me liking Kurt!” I rubbed my face in my hands.  “It’s just too soon.  I just met him.” 

“But you shouldn’t deny how you feel.  If you like the guy, you like the guy.” 

I leaned my head back.  I never knew why I was doubtful of Mom’s “wisdom” when she was always right about everything.  She was a firm believer in the whole “love at first sight” thing.  At least, that was how she was with Dad.  However, I didn’t want to be the same way.  How could someone know that it’s really “love” when they first meet someone? 

“I don’t know what I feel yet.” 

“I think you do,” she said.  “You always deny things.  Stop denying Kurt.  I saw you over there with him.” 

“And you wouldn’t care if I were to start dating him?” I asked.  “I’m not saying I’m going to, but if I were—”

“It’s fine,” she said.  “You’re going to be seventeen in a few months.  It’s about time you found yourself a nice guy to keep you company.” 

The rest of the night I drummed, then listened to Living Brighter.  Sarah and I texted back and forth.  She was asking about Kurt.  I told her about my mom catching us and then motivating me even more to go with him.  The twins sent me texts about Kurt as well, but I ignored them and planned on using the “I was busy” excuse the next morning. 

As I fell asleep, I tried to picture Kurt with his light hair and no glasses.  I thought about hugging him, then how close his lips were to my neck that afternoon.  Reaching my hand to the back of my neck, I imagined his lips there.