c.
boy.
a grade older.
same school.
had one class together.
just a guy.
just a little cute.
just changed schedules.
just barely knew i existed.
just thought he was lil more than cute.
just thought it was a little crush.
it wasn't.
just told one friend.
not a big deal.
it was.
added him on snapchat.
he added me back.
i was happy.
just a little bit happy.
more than just a little bit.
i really liked him.
not "just a little bit."
he was very cute.
tall.
brown hair.
brown eyes.
played hockey.
just a regular guy.
but he wasn't.
don't fall for him.
"he's not worth it"
we started talking.
i was a nervous wreck.
why.
saw him in the halls.
to him just a face in the crowd.
to me?
well.
more than that.
not just a crush.
we started talking more.
he found out.
oh no.
my friends kept trying to get him to like me.
then he boxed me.
he didn't like me.
just a crush.
just a guy.
why did i like him.
i didn't want to anymore.
but i couldn't help it.
because it was more than just a crush.
just another face in the crowd.
i got annoying.
the usual.
i just wanted someone to like me.
but it's ok.
is it?
i got dramatic.
the usual.
i made a big deal of it.
it's "just a crush."
"you'll get over him you are too good for him"
all my friends said that.
i wanted to get over him.
but i really liked him.
really did.
i couldn't figure out why.
but i had no chance.
no one had a crush on me.
but my friends all had someone who liked them.
but me no.
it's ok.
but it kept coming back to him.
i didn't know why.
but i had no chance.
no chance because i was annoying?
not pretty enough?
too dramatic?
it's not like i could ask him.
but it's ok.
is it?
i was going through a lot at home so i just wanted to talk to him.
that wasn't going to happen.
he had a crush on someone else.
i can see why.
she's pretty enough.
not dramatic.
not annoying.
how could i fix myself.
why did i feel like i needed to change?
for a guy?
who didn't like me for who i was.
annoying. dramatic. not pretty enough
but it's ok.
is it?
"it's just a crush"
if it was just a crush. how come i couldn't get over him?
i don't know.
because i'm too dramatic?
this is too dramatic.
but i'm expressing my feelings.
he didn't like me.
me never did.
never will.
just a crush they said.
sure.
i didn't care anymore. i wanted to get over him so bad.
but it's ok.
is it?
maybe.
setting:
school.
talking to my friend.
i'll call them jordan.
they understood me.
i understood them.
i noticed how charming and smart they are.
how nice and not ignoring.
doesn't make me feel dramatic.
or annoying.
and not pretty enough.
they were dating someone.
here we go again.
another crush.
so i didn't have a chance unless they broke up.
so i went back to my old crush.
c.
not going to be named.
"just a crush"
but it's ok.
is it?
so i'll wait.
i hope i have a chance with jordan.
but now i'll wait.
till i find someone.
it's still coming back to c.
but i'll wait.
until he's just a face in the crowd.
c.
