Eternal Flame (Mature 18+)

Chapter 33

"Ro, how many times do we need to go back and forth with this?  I told you I got you man."

"Okay well, I... I... I slept with... That is, I had sex with..."

Finding it hard to complete the sentence, Roman worked his lips and Alex's head kept moving up and down like he was trying to help him get the words out.

"You trying to tell me you had sex with Kristen?"

Roman paused and nodded. "Yeah. I did. A lot. I had sex with her a lot."

"Well, good for you man," Alex casually said. "You've been out the field for a while. I was beginning to think you'd die one day with blue balls."

"She was a virgin man."

Alex simply looked at him. "Okay."

"Wait a minute. You know?"

Alex uneasily looked at him and rubbed his hands together. "I know. Nick knows." He paused. "Diego knows."

"How the fuck did you guys find that out?" Roman snapped.

Alex threw his hands up at him. "Whoa. Hold on man. Calm down. It wasn't from us trying to hit it. Joy's mom told us."

Roman frowned. "Joy's mom?"

"It's a long story. The lady's kind of nuts. If you ever meet her you'll know what I'm talking about."

Roman looked at Alex for a minute, then sat down in an easy chair by the fireplace. He ran his fingers through his hair and over his face, gritting his teeth.

"When did you find out she was a virgin?" Alex asked, pressing him along.

Roman hesitated. "When I was inside her."

"And you didn't stop?"

"Fuck no, I didn't stop."

"That's a big deal Ro."

"I know Alex."

Alex timidly looked at him and sneakily smiled. "How was she? If you don't mind me asking."

Roman clenched his jaw and balled his fist. "Actually I do mind you asking."

"Mother-fucker, calm down. Unclench your fist. I didn't mean any harm by it. You act like we've never talked about chicks you've banged before."

"Other chicks weren't Kristen. And she isn't just some chick."

"Wait, hold on." Alex leaned towards him and thoughtfully narrowed his eyes. "You like her huh? I mean, really like her. That's what's got you so fucked up."

Roman looked at him and nodded.

Alex didn't know what else to say so he looked away from Roman and leaned back against the couch, looking out the window.

Roman studied Alex and tried to figure out if he should continue with the conversation. He and Alex had always been good friends. At times he felt closer to him than his own brothers. But it was still hard for him to process his emotions, let alone verbalize them. He felt ashamed. Conflicted. Like a chump. His emotions were on edge. He'd never threatened anyone over a female before, not even Carmen. Never felt so jealous at the thought of anyone touching what was his.

He stopped and involuntarily clenched his knees with hands. His. When the fuck had Kristen become his? When had he started thinking of her that way? But if he was being honest with himself, he'd wanted her all to himself since the moment he'd first looked into her eyes. That's why he'd been such an asshole to both her and Diego the day before. It'd had nothing to do with Carmen or the pain he'd been living with for over a year. The hard fact was he hadn't wanted her out of his sight since she'd first smiled at him. Since he'd looked into her eyes and saw how much she wanted him. The first time he'd allowed himself to kiss her, he couldn't remember what kissing anyone else had felt like. He'd been addicted to her taste and the way she felt in his arms, instantly.

But there was so much they had going against them. Namely the fact that he was too fucked up to start a relationship with someone new and she was leaving tomorrow. Fuck, he was an idiot. He always had to do things the hard way.

"The sex was fucking incredible," he quietly admitted to Alex. "I can't remember it being like that with anyone else. Not even Carmen. I think what made it so good is the fact that I knew it was all about me. It wasn't about what I have or who I am or what I can give her. She's into me, just Roman. As fucked up as I am, she sees through all that. She gave herself to me man and that means something to me. I mean, she's got to really be feeling me to give herself to me. Something she's never done with anyone else. And that both excites me and scares the hell out of me."

He looked over at Alex. "I didn't expect to feel so much." His eyes were heavy with emotion. "I'm scared man."

Speechless, Alex just looked at him.

"You know I've been keeping everyone at bay for so long. Avoiding emotion, avoiding commitment. I haven't even gone out with anyone in a year. Then I meet Kristen two days ago and I can't see anything but her. I fucking feel alive man. I haven't felt this energized in ages. This happy! I feel like I've been asleep for the past year and now I'm awake. And it's all because of her. This woman who is virtually a stranger. How stupid is that?"

"It's not stupid Ro," Alex sincerely said. "Kristen is an amazing person. It's not hard to understand why you would fall for her as quick and as hard as you did. It's almost like you didn't have a choice really. You had to interact with her because of the contest. Maybe it was time."

"Time for what?"

"Time for you to leave all that bullshit behind you and move on. You couldn't hold on to that pain, anger, and grief forever. It was killing you man. It was hard for us to watch. I'm just happy to see you smiling again."

Roman shyly glanced at him. "I can't help it. I haven't fucking stopped smiling since I woke up next to her this morning."

"Even with all of that, you're uncomfortable with it, aren't you?

"There's a lot to think about. She's young. She's inexperienced. She's never had a real relationship with anyone before-"

"So you're going to hold all of that against her? A lot of us haven't, including me. And I'm way older than 18."

Roman stared down at the floor, his knee bouncing nervously with anxiety. "And I'm still having the nightmares."

"You are?"

Roman nodded. "I had one last night. She woke me up and for a minute, I couldn't remember where I was or who she was. But then she laid down next to me and touched me, and..." He closed his eyes and sighed. "I sound so fucking stupid. I can't even stand hearing myself talk about it."

"Roman, you don't sound stupid. Stop being so hard on yourself. You like the girl! It's okay."

"What if this isn't real? What if I'm moving too fast, getting too ahead of myself? "

"It's not like you'd have time to get too deep with it. She is leaving tomorrow right?"

Roman rested his head against the chair and stared into the empty fireplace. "Yeah. And the thought of her leaving kills me."