this is the only place where no one irl knows me and i cant keep lying to everyone and i cant not tell anyone anymore
everyone thinks that im sad because of a god damn tv show and that im gonna get over it and my sadness isnt real because its over something fictional but what no one knows is that i didnt think i was gonna make it to 2017. on new years eve i tried to take my life and i swallowed i dont even know how many pills but i threw all of them up. i tried so hard to not make it to another year and none of them know that none of them know that im planning on dying before i have to go back to school and i clearly was to chicken to do it the firsg time i dont know if i can even do it again but i dont want to be here and i dont want someone to talk me out of it because we are all gonna die at some point and so why not now? why not now. i have no reason to keep going and music isnf enough anymore. i dont want to grow up or go to college i dont want to be alone or do things by myself i have no reason not to die
and i know what comes with dying i know the amount of pain im goinh to bring to everyone around me and i know that im never going to get to do anything ever again and that ill never eat or listen to music or play the piano or breathe or walk or blink or smile or go to the grocery store again and im okay with that ive accepted that. i dont want to be able to do any of those things again i dont want to be here and
