Always be my baby (Dear Justuce part 2)

Chapter 1

I sat in front of my mirror looking at my 5”2 mocha colored skin in only a bra and some underwear. I looked over my wide but small stomach and ran my hands over the small budge. My big ass and thighs stood out from all my body like a sore thumb. Disgusted with myself I pinched my thigh skin and let out a frustrated grunt. I slipped on my black form fitting strapless dress and smoothed out the slight wrinkles with my small hands. I finished dressing and sat down on my plush lavender bed sheets with a wide smile on my face. I’m 24 graduating from college, today is my graduation. I’m going to be the first Registered Nurse in my family. I began putting lotion on my legs as I continued thinking about how far I’ve come. I didn’t end up like my mom or grandma; I didn’t become a teenage mother. I’m exactly the opposite; I think I might be lesbian. “Justuce! Please come get Goddess” my mom, Syncere , shouted from downstairs. I laughed at the franticness of her voice and carefully made my way down the cream colored spiral stairs that lead me to our living room.

 I sat for a moment watching my five year old sister, Goddess try to brush my mom’s thick curls from her head with a look of determination plastered on her mocha colored face. “Stay still mommy!” Goddess said to her placing her little hand on her hip. Before she could terrorize our mother anymore I quickly snatched her up and threw her in the air quickly catching her as she started falling back down. She burst into a fit of giggles “what are you doing little girl? I asked her once her fit of laughter subsided. “I’m making mommy look pretty for your gradpation” she said struggling over “graduation”. She made a quick dash for my hair that was bone straight with her little pink brush. Before I could stop her Christian, her father and my step father, came downstairs in a black t-shirt and some jeans stopping directly in front of us. Her attention immediately went to him “daddy!” Goddess screamed trying to wiggle from my arms. I let her go and she jumped onto him latching her arms around his neck.

“Hey daddies’ baby, are you being a good girl?” he asked her. She nodded then pointed at me with her brush “ju-ju being a bad girl, she was mean to me.” she pouted. I laughed and made my way into the kitchen with them following in tow. “juju bean is she telling the truth?” Christian asked. I gave him a ‘are you serious’ look and he let out a low chuckle. There was a knock at the front door and I knew who it was, my best friend Alexandra also known as Alex.  I dashed to open the door and let her in, we were both graduating today; Im so excited. Alex was waiting at the door with a blue dress on and a bright smile.

Alex was Puerto rican and black, her mom’s the black one and her father was straight off the boat. We’ve been friends since the fourth grade, she’s a light brown color with hazel eyes shes tall but has a lil meat on her bones.

She said hey to my mom and Christian and followed me up the stairs to my room. Once the door was closed she didn’t waste any time pushing my back against the door and kissing me passionately I wrapped my arms around her neck letting her have access to all of me. I moaned in her mouth as her smooth hands traveled down my body igniting my craving. Her hands traveled to the bottom of my dress and made themselves up towards the edge of my panties. I inched my body closer to hers in anticipation of what was next, yearning for her touch. I squirmed in excitement as her fingers found that forbidden spot and gently stroked it almost sending me over the edge. I bit her lip to keep myself from screaming her name in pleasure.

 There was a knock on the door causing us to jump away from each other and fix our clothes. “ju-ju bean hurry up its time to leave!” Christian shouted from the other side of my door. I didn’t breathe until his footsteps were heard leaving the door. I fixed my hair, grabbed my phone and keys and quickly left the room and making my way outside with everyone else. Alex gave me a small smirk as she reached the passenger’s seat of my 2012 blue Honda civic. We got in the car and followed Christians black armada truck all the way to Polk state college. I turned on the music letting Emilie Sande fill my ears on this last trip to my college. The ride to the school was mostly silent until Alex decided to ruin it. “why don’t you want to be in a relationship with me?” she asked. I kept my eyes on the road but that didn’t stop me from rolling my eyes. We’ve been friends for so long I don’t wanna ruin it with a relationship and on top of that Im not 100% sure if im actually a lesbian. Yes I love her but we ruined things by taking things to the next level.

I wanted to try out men before I just swore off on them, im still a virgin thanks to my family history with men; I didn’t want to make any rash decisions. I love the way she makes me feel and our close connection but I never had a man so I need something to compare to. She knows this but she continues to ask me, im getting tired of it. “Alex im honestly not ready for that” I replied trying to be sincere about the situation. “so I’m good enough to sleep with but you cant be with me? That’s bullshit Justuce and you know it!” she said loudly. “you knew before we started this that I was confused but your always trying to put it in my head to go gay but its my decision not yours. We can stop this now if its gonna cause problems.” I said louder than she had been before. I parked my car in the schools parking lot and looked over at her hoping for some sort of answer.

I didn’t want to end this but with the way shes acting I think its best if we call it quits before anyone gets seriously hurt. She didn’t reply she just sat the looking straight ahead, I used my pointer finger and turned her head towards me and slowly kissed her. She looked in my eyes were tears in her eyes, she knew this was the end. I went to get out my door and saw Christian there watching us with his mouth open.  I didn’t know how much he had seen but I sure was about to find out.

 “I can explain” were my first words when I got out the car I was going to continue but he held his hands up “I don’t want to know, just don’t let your mom find out.” He said and walked away. I felt like the shit beneath his shoes, I was disappointed in myself, and at that very moment i decided I didn’t want to be gay.