You captivate me in limbo. I am neither with you nor without you. It is the most frustrating, most cruel thing you can do.
Fuck you, for your hesitation, your doubt and your patience. Fuck you, for not doing it already. You make me wait, days, years, lifetimes and I hate it so much. I love you too much. I must wait, though I cannot silently, for you to come to terms with this. I must wait, for your so called perfect moment, of which you know nothing about. I hate it because I understand. I get it, okay? You want this to be from love not lust. I get it! But I don't know how to come about that. The lust is too much, how ever can I turn it off? But for you I'll try. Of course I'll try. I need this to happen. I need us to happen. If it means I need to lie to myself for just a moment, if it means I need to lie to you for a decade. I do anything just to make you believe I'm ready for your standards. I hate you for your standards. In my eyes, we can start this on lust, being that the love is most definitely present, though not prominent. We can start right now, baby.
But you'd walk if I even try. You already tell me to stop. Not that I blame you, my actions precede my control. So I stop. I try my hardest to control my fucking hormones, to keep myself in check. Because I too, must have patience. Fuck you. I tread a fine tightrope with you at the other side. You keep me in line by telling me no. You ground me by denying the trivial pursuits I crave of us. Contrary to my previous curses, I love you more for that. Because you remind me of the greatest anchor. You instill in me, in us, the concept of 'we were friends before we were this' and that, dear friend, is the most important part to remember. I should have that line framed, in bold for me to see constantly but I have you to remind me. I love you. So fucking much, it's scary. Terrifying, actually. I never even grasped the possibility of feeling so at one with someone else. It's simple really, you're my other half. My blue heart. My sweet, sweet vanilla. Those sound cliche and clingy but they're true. You're like my right arm. I've already expressed small details what I love about you, so you already know. Besides your body of course. And your hair. Eyes. I love your soul and the way you care for children. I love your appreciation for color and beauty. I love you because you accept me. I love you because youre mine. But you know those already. So you see, I am stuck.
I am bound to you, hanging by a thread.
