The pain is real

True heart break

"I be big boy Blakey. Blakey kiss momma." Apollo says

"I'll give her a kiss for you, little man. Alright aunt Jen should be here soon so get you shoes and coats on. King help Apollo please."

"I will. Tell mommy we love her and to get better. Love you Blake."

"Love you buddy." He ends the call placing the phone on the floor wrapping that arm around me

We sit there till we hear Jen come and take the boys. He starts to shift under me and I tighten my grip on him. I can't separate from him yet, he is the only thing holding me together.

"Let's move to the bed Gwen. It's not good to sit on this hard floor"

Just then a shiver runs through my body.

"Plus it's a lot colder down here on the floor."

He shifts out from underneath me and picks me up carrying me to the bed.

"Gwen here unlock your phone so I can the number to the doctor. We need to get you in today."
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Next thing I know we are leaving the doctor, our nightmare confirmed. We lost our baby. My heart is literally broken. Blake and I sat there while the doctor talked, both of us crying. We held each other after she left to give us a minute, neither wanting to let go. As we leave the office hand in hand I look at Blake's tear stained face and it feels like I have fallen back into that hole. I mean what were we thinking that we could meet as the most perfect time in our lives to save each other and live happily ever after? This isn't a movie or a song, it's real life and real life just keeps raining down.

"Blake can we go get the boys?"

"Are you sure Gwen? If you need more time we can get them after dinner."

"I really just need my babies right now."

"Ok we can stop and get pizza for dinner."

"Yeah that sounds good a movie night."

I reach across the center console for Blake's hand.

"It's not fair. We have been through so much and we finally got to a happy place and then this happens. I finally felt happy content with where life was going."

"I know sunshine. I'm not sure why we are going through this but I have to believe there is a bigger plan."

His thumb is stroking the top of my hand. I close eyes and try to focus on that rather than on this nightmare. The need to hold my babies is so strong I'm having a hard time sitting still. I open my eyes again as we pull into Todd's drive way. We just sit there for a minute looking at each other, knowing the moment we have the boys with us we can't be sad and upset. His hand reaches up and caresses my cheek. Tears begin to fall again from both of our eyes.

"We are going to be ok Gwen right? Please don't leave me. I can't loose you."

The fear is laced through his voice, shown through eyes, and felt in the tension wrapped in his body. If my heart wasn't broken into the smallest pieces, it is now. It's my turn to hold him. I crawl across the console and sit in his lap. I wrap my arms around him and hold him tight to me as he breaks. Sobs wreck his body and I just hold him. I sit there holding him until he begins to calm and the sobs subside. I pull back and my hands go to his cheeks, stroking them with my thumbs.

"Blake I don't know why this is happening to us and it's not fair, but I would never leave you because of this. It's not your fault, if anyone can be blamed it me. I'm the one who was carrying the baby not you." I look down taking my hands off his face.

Hi finger comes under my chin and lifts it to lock his lips with mine. It was a dirty or sloppy kiss, but one that tells the other that you love them no matter what happens. It reassures the other your not going anywhere. We finally break our lips and I lean my head against his chest arms wrapped around his waist, his arms wrapped around me and his head on top of my head. We stay there for a minute before Blake breaks the silence.

"Sunshine look."

I look toward to house where Blake is pointing and all I see is three little heads poking out clearly waiting for us and wondering why we haven't come in yet. We both laugh and begin getting out of the car to go get our boys.