Lost in Oblivion - h.s

one

amazing
cover by styleswhat (old)

“Sweet little baby in a world full of pain.”

Harry

I can hardly see past the hazy cloud of smoke. Bottles of liquor and beers cans scattered everywhere. A constant strobe light flashing the otherwise dark room to the beat of some techno song, that sounds to me like it has been on repeat for hours. My eyes dance around the many people in their weird belligerent state of minds. There's a guy in the corner with his hands under some random girls too tight leather skirt, it is clear as day what he's doing to her but my face remains blank and I don't tear my eyes away from the hormonal pair. It's not that I want to look, I'm not some creep. My mind just can't seem to remember how to move limbs...or talk...or do anything really, I'm numb to everything around me. I can't even respond neither physically nor verbally to the blonde sitting on my lap trying to palm me through my jeans. I don't feel anything, I'm simply a shell of a man, existing; if I can even say that.

But I guess that was the goal when I came to this fucking house. And when I grabbed a bottle of pure vodka. And when I sat on this itchy couch, and when I smoked the several blunts passed to me, and when I sniffed one too many lines afterwards. I should be worried about dying from all the illegal substances I've consumed, but like I said, I'm unresponsive and I've reached my goal.

To be numb, and rid myself of feeling anything, both physically and emotionally. I know my mum is disappointed in me, I'm a fuck up, she knows that better than anyone. I might as well own up to the title, and getting high and drunk of my ass after being gone from home for more than a week without so much as a word to her is a perfect start. I just hope she'll learn to give up on me instead of holding on to the preconceived notion that I'll change some day. Anger courses through me as I think about the events in the past hours, days, weeks, hell months. I'm angry and I don't know why. I'm fucking livid and I want to scream at the world and everyone in it.

But I don't. I stay quiet. Just how my father always told me to.

"Harry shut the fuck and go to your god damn room! Your mom and I have some...business to discuss." I was young and hated when my father yelled, mumsy would always end up crying. "No Daddy I don't wanna." I'd whine as my body shook with fear, knowing he'd get mad at me but he only smiled, much to my surprise. It wasn't an understanding smile, or a fatherly one. It was menacing and an eerie feeling came with it. But I'm petrified of my father, no matter how much I'd try to stand up to him and ignore the fear that came with talking back to him. So my feet started walking backwards but my eyes stayed glued to scene in front of me. He hadn't even waited until I was out of the living room before his fist connected with her cheek.

Are you proud of me now dad?

"Fuck..." I whisper quietly more to myself than anyone before my eyes shut. I'm smiling, on the inside of course, I like it when it's dark. For I am alone and oblivious to what's lurks around me...

A/N : ok you may be confused but keep reading, also I know it's short but second chapter will be longer so ya... anyway I hope you'll enjoy reading. I'm so excited to get this story going!! I hope you are too ahhh im HOBOH HEBOH HASEHAA!?!

ok I'm good..

let me know what ya think

All my love,
Alicia xx.